Holla's Lesson of the day: if you've stuck your foot in the doorway of fame, a sex tape will at least get your left leg all the way in, even if that foot is a very little or very boring one at that.

With that, prepare to enter a week of woops and woes for crack-smokin' divas and poorly marketed energy drinks.

Amy Winehouse miraculously rises

Holla had to cheer a bit for the human race when Amy Winehouse actually made it out of the hospital and into high heels and high hair to sing at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert. As the kind of woman whose doctors are pleased that she's "smothered in nicotine patches" (Holla assumes in place of being smothered in crack pipes), her performance should have sounded something like a pile of straws in the wind.

But to Holla's amazement, it was one of the most intriguing and entertaining Winehouse performances yet. (Even more than the one where she pulled cocaine out of her hair and snorted it in the middle of a song.)

For one thing, it proved that she doesn't lip-synch. There's no way you could work those occasional charming slurs in to the track. Her voice just inexplicably appears, hidden somewhere in her deflated lungs and pointy rib bones.

Holla also had to commend her for subtly changing the words to "Rehab" to make them less odd given the fact that she may possibly need to rent a room in rehab for good. In the traditional song she sings "I won't go oh oh," but at the Mandela concert she changed it to the less conclusive, "I woh oh oh oh."

Possibly the best thing about her performance was the spooky look in her eyes. Most soul singers - Holla thinks of Ray Charles - look somewhat impassioned and swept up in their music, but Amy simply sang as if she knew there was a bounty hunter in the crowd and she was looking into his eyes the whole time. Holla can't deny that the performance was at least … haunting.

Who Cares about the Kardashians?

Holla never knew who the Kardashians were until so many E! ads boasted about their show that it became necessary to look them up.

Here is why they are famous:

1. Three of the kid's father was O.J. Simpson's lawyer

2. Their mother divorced him and married a sports guy

3. Kim Kardashian has a big butt and a sex tape

As far as Holla can tell, the show is full of tension because Kim Kardashian is prettier and more famous than her two sisters.

The strangest thing is that Ryan Seacrest created this show. Why the small and smiley man was attracted to this family is a mystery that Holla cannot begin to solve. Maybe he just likes big butts.

Speaking of Sex Tape …

Yes. Mini-Me has a sex tape. Holla doesn't want to comment. Instead, Holla has gathered the biggest headlines about the issue in hopes that the situation will explain itself.

"Mini-Me Sex Tape: Avert Your Eyes!" - TMZ

"Mini-Me Sex Tape: You Know You Wanna Watch!" - YouTube

"Mini-Me Coming to Make you Impotent Forever!" - Fafarazzi

"Mini-Me's Xtra-Large Sex-Tape Suit" - E! Online

"Mini-Me, Star of Austin Powers, sues over dwarf sex tape" - Telegraph (UK)

"We watched Mini-Me's sex tape so you don't have to" - The Guardian (UK)

Finally, Ben Stiller makes an energy drink weirder than "Blutonium"

Possibly because the voicing-every-character-like-Derek-Zoolander well is running dryer than usual, Ben Stiller is releasing a new comic phenomenon to the public that's still largely oblivious to how unfunny he is. The gag? An energy drink called - get this - "Booty Sweat"!

Back when Holla was dishin' out third-grade gossip (in the third-grade, believe it or not), Holla realized that jokes about rectums perspiring were passé.

Stiller's OUTRAGEOUS marketing stunt is also a ZANY ploy to publicize his soon to be released flick "Tropic Thunder."

Holla hears Paramount is actually licensing this product - a product inspired by a similarly named beverage in "Tropic Thunder" - so that the masses can drink it/laugh along with their friends at it.

Instead of drinking and laughing, Holla will be getting pissed and vomiting. Even those stupid enough to think this is remotely humorous will at least be joining Holla on one of these activities (P.S. - It's vomiting).

Among those "totally amped" about "Booty Sweat" is Michael Corcoran, president of consumer products at Paramount Pictures.

"Not to my knowledge has this ever been done before. We're very excited, because it has the potential to live for quite a while, well beyond the film," he explained in a carefully scripted press release.

Expect your obnoxious friend, that one who still says, "What is this? A center for ants?!" and expects you not to punch him, to be drinking this stuff and being insufferable 24/7.