Dear Dr. Date, Re…

Dear Dr. Date,
Recently, a friend of mine told me she pierced her clitoris, which I must admit was somewhat erotic. There was nothing physical between us until one day when we went out as friends, one thing led to another, and the next thing we knew we were mostly naked. I was OK with this, but then she decided to perform fellatio on me. I was caught a little off-guard — I am a virgin and was unwilling to have intercourse with her. Now she seems to think I was just using her to see the clit-ring and for fellatio. She won’t even speak to me on the bus. What should I do?
— Unlucky Duck

I think the important question here is: Was her clitoral piercing cool, or what?
Look, she’ll get over this. Her pride is just a little damaged, that’s all. It happens to guys all the time. Except when guys get offended about being turned away at the last minute, they look ugly and demanding. Your friendly fling doesn’t look all that much better in this situation. Women tend to think that guys will have sex on any occasion with just about anything that moves. Then, when a woman chooses to have sex, a rebuff from a guy comes across like an insult. Most women aren’t used to rejection of this sort. The woman can react in any number of negative ways, but is usually offended in one way or another. Not all women are like this, of course, but, since most women don’t initiate sex, how are we supposed to know?
Don’t worry about anything. You did right. Well, you could have been a little more decisive when things started to get steamy. Exactly how long did you let her perform fellatio on you before you decided to tell her that you didn’t want her to do such a thing?
There is no reason why you should have sex with someone with whom you don’t want to have sex. You were honest. Next time you find yourself in this situation, be sure to give a solid explanation as to why you don’t want to have sex. Technically, “no” is all that is needed, but, sometimes in the interest of dating politics, it’s a good idea to let the person know what’s happening. It seems to me that you could have prevented the whole situation by simply saying, “Hey, you’re really making me hot, but I’m still a virgin, and I’m not ready to have sex yet.” I’m sure you’re all snickering at the thought of saying this, but don’t be afraid to say lines like these. Confidence and idealism are two very attractive qualities for both men and women to possess.