Livin’ in America

Ali G interviews Borat on his new film

by Michael Garberich

Booyakesha! Yo, check it America, dis be Ali G and today we be chattin wiv my main man Borat Sagdiyev from Ö Kaizerhstan. Dis year he be releasin a movie dat ims made bout your country. So, now dat eez an expert on da subject, weev interviewed im to check iz knowledge, fo real. Eers wot ims be sayin?!

Ali G: Check it Borat, wassup? First, iz you wicked my man?

Borat: Jagshemash da Ali G. I am feeling quite the king now that I show big blockbuster movie film in U.S. and A soon. Like man with many many wives.

Ali G: Fo real! Respek. We all know dat dey be makin’ films in Hollywood for literally thousands of years, but me crew told me dat deys donated a camera to you Kaizerhstans so dat you can be makin’ dis film, da first ever in your country.

Borat: No, in fact in Kazakhstan we have camera very long time, since year 2000, and I am television reporter for number one state-run TV network.

Ali G: Fo real. Aight, you live in da middle of da east, so why iz you be goin’ all da way to America?

Borat: In my country we like America very much and we feel there are many good things we can learn from it. We like their war of terror and respect their leader very much.

Ali G: Innit true dat you came wiv another geezer? How it iz?

Borat: Yes, his name is Azamat and he is producer for glorious film.

Ali G: And yooz first stop woz in New York. Any ruk findin’ turf?

Borat: We stay first night in hotel. It was like great palace for king. And at night time I watch television. Do you know this woman, she called Pamela Anderson?

Ali G: Check it, Borat. She be fi t fo real.

Borat: Yes. I find her first night on television show “Baywatch” and I wanted instantly to do sexy time with her, and maybe make her my wife. Then great luck! Later I spoke with the feminists who said they knew her.

Ali G: You spoke wiv da feminists? Woz dey real feminists? Like feminist with feminists?

Borat: I learn about the feminists that they think women should be higher than horse and dog and equal to man (laughs). It is very strange in this country, but it is why I come to learn. There is much to know about U.S. and A, and the feminists who knew Pamela told me that she live in Californie, in city called Los Angeles.

Ali G: Yo Westside! I got crew out there. So wotz next? You hop and trot the coast?

Borat: Well, there was problem. You see Borat married in Kazakhstan. This is not so much problem for me, but she say that if I do sexy time with other woman while in America, she going to cut off myÖhow do you call them?

Ali G: Your Mr. Biggies?

Borat: Yes. She cut off Mr. Biggies. So at first I cannot go, but then I learn that she die, my wife, from hotel messenger.

Ali G: Oh, respek. My sincerest.

Borat: No, no! It is not so bad. She good wife at first, but she soon become like angr y spider monkey, only not so small. I happy. I think, “Now I can go to Californie” (we high five).

Ali G: Aight, I’m wiv it. Den you and your boy went to California right?

Borat: Azamat say no at first, but I convince we see greater America by riding in ice cream truck from New York.

Ali G: A ye, den yooz a brainy Kaizerstahn. So wot woz you visitin?

Borat: We go to rodeo in state of Virgine where I honored to sing Kazakh anthem to tune of American National Anthem. (sings) “Kazakhstan is the great-est country in the world. All the other countries are run by little girls.” One man also tell me that they tr y to hang the homosexuals in America, like in Kazakhstan. It was great revelation.

Ali G: Fo real, dems iz some wicked words. I’ve dis cuzin who iz homosapien.

Borat: Yes, I learn them to be very nice people. There was big party in street in capital city Washington D.C. I learn later that Americans call this party gay pride parade and that man who try to use rubber fist is homosexual too. This came as big shock to me. He was so nice.

Ali G: Whoa, dat be some seriously mingin material man. Woz dat da same fist I hear you woz chasin’ Azamat wiv later? When you woz bof in your skinnies? Wot woz dat about?

Borat: Yes. We find book with Pamela, and later he dirty her when alone in room. It was great disgrace when I find him after shower. I chase him in hotel until police capture. I tell him real reason for go to Californie. In morning he gone, and so is my passport.

Ali G: No Azamat in da house but you still be makin California? I’z heard dat you had some help. How dat be?

Borat: There was many nice Americans who help me. Gentlemen from university carry me in moving house. They show me that not all think like feminists. They say they not call woman back after sexy night like in Kazakhstan. Except in my country we do not call because we do not have phone. University man say it is because woman have not respect.

Ali G: So wot about when yooz arrived in California? Did you, get it in fine time wiv Pamela?

Borat: Sadly, it is not so. But I did meet her by person. I find again Azamat in the Hollywood. We make friend once more. He tell me that in America woman can write book. And so Pamela write book and put her name in it at megastore.

Ali G: Dat is truly wicked. Wot you do when you woz finally right up wiv her flange?

Borat: I cannot say everything about my blockbuster or else Americans will not see and I will be execute. But I find many love in America. It was great success! I also meet very nice prostitute. She like my sister. Wawa-wee-wa! (another high five).

Check it. Big up to Borat and his new movie. Dis be Ali G headin’ Westside for a bit of erbal remedy. Respek! Bo.