Dear Dr. Date,I’ve been dating a guy I’ve known for five-and-a-half months. We laugh, we have fun, we have sex. But he feels we don’t really have anything emotional or “deep” gluing us together. He thinks this is not good and has suggested that we be “friends” until I return from Europe (I’ll be gone for awhile) when we can work on our relationship. Meanwhile, I’ve known another guy for two-and-a-half years. We have fun. I wanted to date him in the past, but he didn’t want to date me, and now I consider him a good friend. Recently he has told me he has feelings for me and would like to start a “real” romantic relationship. Now that you have some background, here is my problem: Do I tough it out with my boyfriend who wants to forge an emotional bond that has not sprung up naturally? (I don’t feel as comfortable sharing my deepest emotions, fears and vulnerabilities around him as I do around my good friend who now has feelings for me.) Or do I take a chance on my friend to whom I feel a deeper connection, but who has hurt me in the past? (He hurt me by not having feelings for me when I had them for him, and I have noticed he seems to be attracted to women when they are unavailable.)— Trying to get an Outside Perspective
Why are you worrying about this now? Since you can’t really be with either one while you are in Europe, is it necessary to work out all these details? Seriously, there’s a whole lifetime ahead of you. Obsess later. You should make all efforts to not think about the rest of your life right now. It’s Europe. You should be single when you go to Europe. Haven’t you thought at all about the beauty of a completely innocent and temporary tryst with a man or woman from another country or continent? Tell Boy Number One to lighten up and live a little while the pre-Europe living is still good. Make no mention of love and future and all that nonsense. When you leave for Europe, your relationship with this boy is over. Don’t stray from that plan.
Tell Boy Number Two to lighten up and live a little, too. Feed his tragic self-prophecy by continuing to lure him closer and closer, but make sure to shut him down before you go to Europe. You really need to be single to enjoy the likes of Claudio, Yves or Nigel.
And lastly, tell yourself to lighten up and live a little. If your first boy doesn’t want to be with you and you don’t want to be with him, then don’t be with each other. If you want to fool around with anyone, do so safely and without regret.