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By demonizing pleasure, we set ourselves up for unfulfilling sex lives.
Opinion: Let’s talk about sex
Published March 27, 2024

Tonight’s dance party is the newest on-campus craze

If you listen carefully every Thursday at 10:55 p.m., you might be able to hear us. We’re in the east lounge of Comstock Hall, on the first floor, dancing fervently to loud club music. From outside the building, you’ll see us on window sills, tables, chairs and even other dancers. It’s a five-minute festival of funk, and it’s the newest, coolest hangout spot on campus. That’s right; I’m referring to our Thursday night dance party – and if you don’t know what it is already, this column could change your life.

It all started two months ago when a few of my friends and I were sitting around cogitating in lounge E175 of Comstock Hall. We were looking out the windows at Riverbend Commons when my friend Darren thought of an idea that bordered on genius. It was without a doubt his first good idea ever.

The plan was to get the attention we craved (and in the process, humiliate ourselves) by dancing in the windows to strobe lights and loud music. After more brainstorming, we decided it should be a weekly event taking place at 10:55 p.m. every Thursday. This time would allow us to “stick it to” the stupid quiet-hours rules of the hall, as well as confusing the hell out of potential Riverbend spectators. The next thing we knew, the idea turned into reality, and there were hoards of people coming to party. Even girls.

The reasons this activity is great are never-ending. It couldn’t be a more convenient time to boogie down, for one. Thursday nights are often boring, and if you procrastinate like I do, they are filled with homework as well. Well, waste no more time, readers.

This dance party is both fulfilling and time-economical. The five minutes feel like five hours; it’s just that fun. The party is also a huge stress reliever. There is nothing more relaxing than the soothing sounds of high-decibel, bass-thumpin’ club music. Furthermore, it’s a great way to meet people and create a sense of community and worth. It is sure to become a campus tradition that will go down in history. That is, if more people come.

All the readers of my column are cordially invited to tonight’s dance party. Arrive by 10:50 p.m. at the Comstock E175 lounge to secure a place to dance. It would be great if we packed the room to capacity, which, by my estimates, means we would need about 12,000 more people.

Let me just add that this is the place to be if you want to be cool. If you’d like to be in the elitist group of students at the University, or if you just want to meet a celebrity such as myself, come on over and participate. If you don’t want to dance, you’re more than welcome to watch.

Please remember to try to keep the number of people dancing in the lounge to under 12,000. I would hate see people turned away.

Today is our independence day, students. See you tonight!

Mat Koehler is a columnist. He welcomes comments at [email protected]

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