Dear Dr. Date,

My girlfriend and I just became official, and I’ve never been happier in my whole life. She’s absolutely perfect and I adore her. Except for this one thing — I think she might be a vampire.

See, she’s always been super into giving hickeys, but now that we’re exclusive, it’s getting really serious. And by serious, I mean she’s drawing blood. I’m not totally opposed to it and am down for trying new things, but it’s gone from a few marks to full-on “Do I need a band aid?” 

I really like her, but I’m not about to bleed out during sex. Is there a nice way to ask her or do I just have to start wearing garlic?

Sincerely,

Fangs for the Memories

Dear Fangs for the Memories,

Daylight has been scarce in the past few months, but I seriously doubt your girlfriend is a vampire. However, if you’re not super into the pain thing, then don’t keep pretending you are. Tell her you are open to trying new things, but this just isn’t for you. Or, just say you can’t have visible marks at your internship or something. Hopefully you won’t have to bring holy water into this. 

Sincerely,

Dr. Date