Dr. Date,
I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago, and we instantly connected. Alcohol definitely gave me a confidence boost, and I asked her for her phone number. We texted throughout that night, and then later that weekend, we met up at my place for movies and food. The hangout turned into a really hot makeout session that almost progressed to sex. But because both of us decided that it would be better to wait, we didn’t go all the way.
I realized that I really liked her, but I wanted to play it cool and not come across too strong. We didn’t chat the whole rest of the week, but then when the next weekend came around, I texted her to hang out. She immediately responded, saying she was sick and stressed out with school work. The same conversation repeated a few days later, and now, I don’t know what to think.
I thought it was pretty clear that we were both into each other and the sexual tension was strong. But it seems like she’s avoiding me now. What should I do?
—Left Hanging
Give Her Some Space,
If she really is sick and stressed out with school, it’s probably not a good time for her to develop a new relationship. It sounds like she’s not in the best place for things to proceed. But fortunately, summer is on its way. Reach out to her in a couple of weeks and hopefully by that time, she will be feeling better and more relaxed.
If she continues to dish out excuses for hanging out, it’s probably best for you to move on. You shouldn’t waste your time with someone who isn’t reciprocating your efforts to get together.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
You could say I’ve always been somewhat of a ladies’ man. I’ve dated quite a few girls, and I’ve been known to get BJs from randos on the weekends. But recently, I’ve cared less and less about hooking up with chicks.
And last weekend, something strange happened. I was really drunk at a party, and this beautiful, smart and sweet girl was all over me, but I just wasn’t into it. Instead, I couldn’t stop making eye contact with this guy across the room.
I’ve never been into men before, but I just can’t stop thinking about him. What does this mean?
—Anonymous
Try Something New,
If you’re attracted to men right now, explore those feelings. Don’t resist your new urges or curiousity. Take them as a sign of growth, and be open to experiencing new types of relationships. Sexuality evolves with time, so if right now you’re interested in a different gender, go for it. You’ll be thankful later.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
I’ve always been a girl who loves fake eyelashes and bold lip colors, but this new guy I’ve been hanging out with has a different opinion. He likes girls who are “all natural.” He’s commented on my look, saying it’s “fake” and “too much.” I’ve considered toning it down, but at the end of the day, I hate the idea of changing my appearance for a guy.
Is this a deal-breaker? Should I say adios and move on to the next guy? He’s perfect in every other way, and I feel like there’s a way we can get passed this.
—Not Your Body, Bro
Amen Sista,
You’re right. Your body is yours and no one else’s, and it’s your right to do whatever you want with it. So do what makes you happy, and that should be all that matters.
But it’s natural for him to be curious about what you look like without your style routine. It shows a certain amount of honesty and vulnerability when you allow someone to see you right when you wake up or have gotten out of the shower. If you’re serious about him, he’ll eventually see that side of you, so don’t go out of your way to hide it.
But if his issue is with controlling how you look and what makes you happy, then that’s a deal-breaker. Stand your ground and explain why that’s not OK. Having an honest and open conversation about why it’s problematic may educate him and open his eyes. The issue may resolve. But if he continues to persist, give him a solid goodbye.
—Dr. Date
