Net: Today, for your enjoyment, we offer you the forwarded list of …
REJECTED DR. SEUSS BOOKS
1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo — Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
12. Are You My Proctologist?
13. Yentl the Lentil
14. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
15. Aunts in My Pants
16. Oh, the Places You’ll Scratch and Sniff!
17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
18. The Grinch’s 10 Inches
Net: It’s rock-rock y’all, and tick-tock y’all, we got a little letter …
IT’S CALLED GRATITUDE
From Manboob: Being the heart of the campus community, able to reach everyone Net: You might be overestimating us, but thank you, would you please pass this little thank-you note on for me?
See, I was biking to a coffee shop on Washington to do some homework when I collided head-on with another biker on the sidewalk in front of Moos Tower. Net: See? If you had been riding on the street like the law says you should, you could have hit a CAR. And then you wouldn’t have to worry about writing this note.
He was fine. I got the brunt of the blow and sat dazed on the sidewalk, wondering if brain matter was going to ooze out my ears. Gratefully, someone who works at Moos Tower helped me inside and got me some ice for my head while a kindly professor watched my bike outside. Net: A helpful Moos worker and a kindly professor. Are you sure you didn’t suffer a concussion? Are you prone to hallucinations? We sat for a few minutes on the steps while I tried to collect myself. After 15 minutes or so I went over to the campus police station to rest, and they called the paramedics and an ambulance.
I would also like to thank those guys for spending time helping out a poor shmuck who should have been wearing a helmet. That’s right, I wasn’t wearing a helmet Net: Gasp!, and I got a splitting headache and three fractures below my right eye as a result. I am still a tad bit sore.
So THANK YOU to the folks who helped me out — and to all you bikers out there, wear a helmet!
NITWIT’S FASCINATING FACTS
There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.
In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
If an orangutan belches at you, watch out. He’s warning you to stay out of his territory.
Einstein couldn’t speak fluently when he was 9. His parents thought he might be retarded.
