Net: Today, we of…

Net: Today, we offer you a poem elegizing a new University landmark:

From ZooKid: In honor of the beautiful new bike ramp on the West Bank, I give you

U of M-Twin Cities
Has a campus that is vast.
Classes can be anywhere;
Students need to be fast.

Cars with powered motors
May seem to be the best,
But drivers pay to park all day
And end up walking with the rest.

To walk is to be slow;
This strolling pace is bad.
When time is of the essence,
Efficiency should be had.

Biking saves time over walking
And takes no gasoline.
Parking is not a problem,
And the environment stays clean.

Biking is the way to go.
The bike is slim and quick.
It fits where peds can, but faster,
Which beats driving — how slick!

Pedestrians fill the sidewalks.
As they walk, they chat and laugh.
Shoulder-to-shoulder they stroll along,
With no room for others to pass.

So, zipping down the bike lane
Is a student biker’s dream.
But our dear pedestrians
Are more annoying than they seem.

Ignoring the painted lanes
Of which there are but a few,
Many oblivious walkers
Stagger right on through.

In kindergarten they learned
To look both ways before they cross.
But once one gets to college,
This wisdom is lost.

“My legs are fine and the steps are there
But the ramp is so divine.
I have no wheels to justify my move,
Oh my — what’s that white line?

I cross without looking as
There were no bikes yesterday,
So by using their lane now,
I’m surely not in their way.”

This thought is wrong and dangerous;
Peds are putting lives at stake.
Walkers’ oblivion is the reason
Why all bikes have brakes.

These idiots on foot
Are unaware that we try.
We slam the brakes and swerve a lot
To let walkers stroll on by.

With a bit of rain or snow,
Conditions for brakes are worse,
So this is when more peds decide
To fill bike lanes, of course.

With all of campus on which to tread,
I cannot understand the fact
That these walking obstacles
Make sure bike lanes are packed.

So if you’re in the bike lane
As I’m trying to get to class,
Take this as fair warning:
You better move your ass.