Dear Dr. Date,
I have been pursuing this girl for quite some time. She claims to have strong feelings for me but is unwilling to initiate a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We see each other frequently and, at one point, I felt she was the one I wanted to be with forever. That is how much I feel for her. This has been going on since June, and I’m becoming very impatient. Do I keep pursuing her? Or is there no chance at all? Should I give up? She claims I am “the one,” so why rush into it? What does all of this mean? What should be my final decision?
— Ready for commitment

This is certainly a switch, isn’t it? Women, please take note. There are men who want to commit to a serious relationship.
My question is this: What more do you want from this woman? You’ve been dating since June, and you have enough good times to be infatuated with each other. This seems like a pretty good deal to me. Yet, you want more. You want definition. You want clarity and meaning.
The world is funny this way. Half of us are pushing forth initiatives the other half are trying to push back. Some people, like your sweetheart and approximately half the world, don’t like to have everything planned out precisely. They don’t want to know what they’ll be doing in five years. They don’t want to be part of a demographic. They don’t want to be labeled and corralled.
You and approximately the other half of the world, on the other hand, seem to want everything to be in its place. You want to know what the hell is going on, both now and in the future.
The funny thing is, though, if you look at what you’ve got and stop worrying about being fenced in or floundering, then you realize what you’ve got is pretty nice. Maybe you should just relax and enjoy what you’ve got now, and let the future unroll before you as it chooses.
Having been there before, I know what you are going through. I suspect you’ll have to learn this for yourself to believe it, but you’re making a mistake. I know you want to understand what’s going on with this woman, but relationships don’t automatically get better because they are more defined. A great relationship can withstand separation, tragedy and time. A bad relationship, however, cannot be fixed by sex, marriage or money.
Pervasive capitalism causes us to strive for success. Unfortunately, success is too often translated as more money, more stature and more crap. Sadly, we also transpose this notion of success onto love. Tell me, friend, what more could this woman give you before you would term this relationship a success?
(Question of the Week: Why is female-female sex so fascinating to straight men?)