Dr. Date,My girlfriend and I have recently begun having sexual intercourse and we have found that I last an even longer time than she does before we each orgasm. I feel a little bad because it takes me longer, especially with a condom on, than I think it should. She is very loving and we continue with intercourse after her orgasm and sometimes she has a second. But I think 30 to 40 minutes (with a condom) is a bit long, although an hour and a half with foreplay is a most enjoyable marathon. What is your advice, and what is an average amount of time for a climax to happen? Thanks.— Distance Runner
Average penile-vaginal intercourse lasts about 5 to 7 minutes from penetration to climax. This doesn’t include foreplay, which generally lasts 30 to 40 minutes. Climax could be the male orgasm, the female orgasm or life-threatening emergency. On average men do not last as long as you do, although they would like to. This fantasy may not be that practical because prolonged sexual intercourse can become painful for both partners.
In your situation, I’d just enjoy yourself as long as your partner is having a good time, too. It’s ironic that you are suffering the same paranoia that quick-triggered guys do. A premature ejaculator will often obsess about the problem so much they make it worse. Try not to make sex unenjoyable for yourself by thinking about it too much.
Your letter is interesting because this is the situation most women experience during sex. It can be just as anxiety inducing to be slow as it is to be fast. Luckily you have a considerate partner that will continue to have sex until both people are satisfied. Many women feel bad that they cannot orgasm as quickly as their male partner and they, like you, begin to question whether they are normal or natural. This complicates their sex life to the point that it no longer becomes fun. Please don’t do this, my friend.
Be considerate and communicate all this with your lover. Perhaps you can find other ways to raise your level of excitement before or instead of intercourse. You may be able to speed yourself up by adding stimulation to your prostate which your lover can achieve by inserting her finger into your rectum during intercourse. The prostate gland plays an important role in the male orgasm, and can provide a fair amount of ecstasy of its own provided the participants are into it.
Very few people seem to be wholly satisfied with their sexual performance. You have a talent that many guys desire, but what everyone desires is to have a complete and perfect sexual experience. There is no definition of what this is because it’s different for everyone.