Love me little, but love me long

Debra Messing finds happiness and loses $1,400 in “The Wedding Date”

Claire Joseph

Apparently, the key to romantic success with a beautiful, classy, well-spoken individual has been hiding in the escort service advertisements in The New York Times’ Sunday magazine, but we just haven’t been looking.

The secret’s out.

The story was told better in 1990, with the debut of Garry Marshall’s “Pretty Woman,” but, besides acting talent, well-rehearsed lines and a vaguely believable plot, it’s all the same.

Yes. “Pretty Woman” presents a more-believable plot than “The Wedding Date.” At least Julia Roberts played someone poor and desperate (at least at first).

In “The Wedding Date,” Nick (Dermot Mulroney), plays a male escort (and Brown University comparative literature student), hired to attend a wedding with Kat (Debra Messing).

Except for his job, Nick seems to be the epitome of Ivy League suavity. He’s handsome, well-spoken, debonair and dressed to perfection.

Kat hires Nick so she doesn’t have to go to her sister’s wedding alone and face her ex (the best man in the ceremony), who, after seven years of dating, dumped her for no good reason.

After endless drawn-out moments of random silence, with unnecessary and unmoving filming interrupted only by unfortunate conversations filled with predictable lines, Nick and Kat begin to realize they are attracted to each other.

In an animalistic moment of sexual desire, Kat wakes Nick from bed and brings him down to a boat where she strips and they sleep together.

This is, of course, only after she takes $1,400 out of her bank account to pay him to have sex with her.

It probably would have been a good idea to kick down $3.79 for a pack of condoms, but what are ya gonna do? It’s Hollywood.

In the world of “The Wedding Date,” Nick is disease-free and, naturally, respectful of Kat’s feelings (so much so that he returns the $1,400 – of which she was still $300 short).

Forget meeting people at parties or using dating services – just grab hold of the Yellow Pages and pick out the spouse of your dreams.