Net: It seems like …

Net: It seems like the Minister of Concurrence has again caused quite a stir in Networkia.
His pitiful, long-winded (we should talk), caps-heavy request for clemency and the subsequent call for a town meeting did not go unnoticed.
Many a veteran of Network wrote in to make their opinions known, the majority of whom did so with great vengeance and furious anger. In fact, we have yet to hear a member of our gentle community speak out in favor of the MOC.
And so the count officially stands at 6-0 (including the fine entries below) in favor of keeping with the status quo — poor Min‘, poor Min‘.
If you’re out there, Minister, which we can only assume you are — and have been for some time, pressing your runny nose up against our reinforced glass gate — we must tell you things are not looking good. But then, you probably knew that.
As promised, however, the hearing shall continue until the third sunset. An announcement on the Minister‘s fate shall be made shortly thereafter.
Somehow, we fear we might have to contact some next of kin … .
From Biggus Dorkus: Humble Networkians, I would like to address this matter of the Minister‘s reinstatement. I find it sad and alarming that ones as wise as yourselves would devote an entire day’s worth of sarcastic comments to the petty blubbering of a criminal such as him. Net: Point taken. But when a figure as well-known as the MOC comes a-knocking, we felt it only fair to give him his just due. For better or worse, he was long a magnanimous servant to his Net, and he ain’t all bad for that. His cretinous baboonery shames us all. Instead of indulging in the sarcastic comments on the daily events of this fine institution, either public or private (thanks to Rolla, I might never get the image of feathers, whips and Brooks and Dunn out of my head …), I soon tired of the ongoing whimpering from a person whose caps lock is evidently stuck. I offer my vote on this matter:
WHEREAS Minister is a complete nincompoop in his attempts to win the favor of an omnipotent being whom he so cruelly betrayed, and
WHEREAS Minister‘s complaints took up an entire column of my reason for picking up the Daily in the first place, Net: Ohhh … you’re so nice! Gee!
LET IT BE KNOWN that Biggus Dorkus firmly puts his thumb down on this issue and accompanies it with a raspberry. Net: PHBHLPBT, right back at’cha.
From Pee “I see dead people” Wee: The topic is the Minister of Concurrence, and since I am such a much beloved and respected member of the Network community Net: Blessed with the immeasurable gift of sarcasm, I have decided to descend from atop my lofty perch in order to render a verdict … ahem! Kick his ass to the curb like a sorority chick come Sunday morning! For God’s sake, all the guy ever wrote was the word “yes”. Net: All of a sudden we’re waxing a bit nostalgic for having the weasel around … “Would you say we have a plethora of entries today, Minister?” “Oh, si, El Guapo.” “Do you know what a plethora is, Minister?” “No, El Guapo.” People like that we don’t need around breathing our air, eating our food, taking up space in MY forum. Net: Watch it, pally. You’re a few misplaced meds away from exile yourself. Since his banishment, the frequency of NyQuil abuse and canine molestation in these pages has dropped to record lows. Net: And thank heavens for that! Let him go wallow amongst the commoners and housewives who write into the Pioneer Press Bulletin Board about their latest experience at the Cub Foods Express Lane, or little Timmy’s cute quote after he crapped in his Huggies the other night. Net: Our favorite was when a quiet housewife named Sara Jane from Highland Park wrote in to say she was actually a fugitive from justice. What fun! The only good minister — aside from that wonderful limey lush Churchill — is dead and rotting on the floor with a sucking chest wound where his lungs used to be. Kill ’em all and leave the carcasses in the gutters to be picked over by roving packs of freshman herds! Peewee has spoken … so it is written, and so shall it be. Amen.
From St. Pauli Girl: Net, I would like to take this opportunity to cast my vote against the recently “re-LIEVED and de-POSED” MOC. Can’t say that I miss the ol’ Minister none too much. I think what we really need around here is a Minister of Complacency. It seems such an entity, if you will, Net: Would we ever! would fit in quite well. Whenever some heated “issue” arises, i.e. animal rights debates, who is more evil — greeks or squirrels, CLA vs IT … etc. — we could have that noncaring passive voice to frustrate the hell out of everyone and shut them all up. Net: Apparently we’re not doing our job. It would be glorious, Net. I think you should start taking applications.
From Yngwie: As I have been called, so must I answer. The Minister of Concurrence‘s plight touches me in a way that few people can understand. Net: Somebody just got finished reading the latest Forum, wethinks … Though most in Networkland might not know this, I, too, am a minister. Yes, I speak as a vessel of The Light.
Which is why I must heartily disagree with your offer of clemency to the MOC. Net: In fact, no offer was ever extended. ‘Twas a mere foray into the realm of possibility. Nothing more, nothing less. Must remain objective, you see. The MOC‘s role in Networkland has always made me sick, as well as tarnishing the image of other spiritual workers. Banish the Minister of Concurrence to Jerry Falwell’s secret cocaine den once and for all! And if you do, see if you can get George W.’s autograph for me, will ya? Net: It’s gonna cost you — $10,000 a plate at last count. I must be off to tend to my flock. Net: “Tending to your flock”? Is that like “interrogating the suspect”? And if any of you out there find yourself drunk one night with your significant other, and you have talked him into getting hitched, give me a call. I’ll be there to solemnize your holy bond in a jifferly. Come, let us reason together.