Net: Today you should vote. You will not be allowed to vote on Wednesday, so you should probably vote today. Voters are cool. Vote early, vote often, vote Network.

BLARGHBLARGH

From labcabincalifornia: A little Back klaT to “Communicating at 46,000bps“, first off, from reading their entry I am guessing that the 46,000 bps refers to his hand motion on a lonely rainy day. Anyway, I am and have been in a long distance relationship for about three years now (she’s in Portland). Net: HA HA HA AH AH AHA It’s never been better. Oh, and by the way, I already have a degree (in four years mind you) and am working on a little somethin’ somethin’ as we speak. So, no pipe bending hear bud. Net: ZUH? What I think it comes down to is this; People are starting to realize that what they want, which isn’t always an Abercrombie hat with a little scoot to go. Net: Why does it seem like this letter has been translated from French to English a few dozen times? It’s obvious that people who are willing to endure being apart in order to stay together (wo, is that too deep for you? sorry com.) must want something a little more than to go to a party or bar and meet someone. They know when a good thing comes to take it and cherish it, that’s exactly what my girlfriend and I are doing. Net: You don’t have a girlfriend Á So, it’s not always a cop out and the boyfriend isn’t always back home. I think you put these stereotypes on them to make it feel better that the girl probably knows what she wants unlike some, I think you should stick to the latter com. Net: *Sigh*

From Mitch: I implore the individual(s) responsible for having “let the dogs out” to confess. You will eventually be caught, and have caused the world much pain. Net: We’ve noticed this, everybody has been yelling about it Everywhere I go I hear about these lousy mongrels. Until the party or parties are brought in to face criminal charges, I suggest Networkia destroy all loose canines and funnels. In closing, everyone should try to find the dogs that were apparently let loose and put them behind a make-shift fence. Net: WE MUST FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME!

From Nasty McShasty: I tried to stay out of this one, but the current forum on the grooming of the pubic nest is too much for me to handle. So I gotta throw in my valuable insight. First off, a nice, thick bush is damn gross. It’s gross to look at, it’s gross to even think about. Net: We’re enjoying thinking about it Furthermore, these large, untamed pubic manes can be disastrous. Big bushes are a breeding heaven for the lowly “saber-tooth crotch cricket”. Although unproven in the scientific world, some of my roommates claim to have encountered the saber-tooth crotch cricket more than once. These damn bastards will take over down there if your not careful. So, if you’re a gal OR a guy, be sure to give that big wild bush at least a nice trim job. Net: Get some highlights too, or even use a crimper You can make some fun out of it, like me, and style it. Personally, my favorite ‘do is the pubic mullet. Net: Does it stick out from under your helmet? I keep it nice and trimmed on the top of the shaft, and long and flowing along the sides. Sometimes I put little pigtails in, but only when I’m really drunk. Chicks dig that one. Well, I gotta go, my “mini-mullet” is in need of some desperate work.
From TheCDC: Hey Network, I just thought I would write in and submit some of my haikus that I wrote while reading Monday’s column. This whole shaved beaver argument has gotten way out of control. I think these two haikus will end all suffering and put all bloodshed to rest. Net: You’re quite optimistic

Please trim your beaver,
Cuz you look like my grandma,
Hairy underwear.

Shave your beaver now,
And you will get laid, today
With some fat frat boy.

What’s with these celebrities who try to influence our vote in this election thing tomorrow. Net: Kim Milford sez: “Vote for Network!” Why must they tell us we should vote, just because they do? I wrote my final haiku about that.

LOSTCRAP

Choose you candidate,
Or you’ll go to hell and die,
Preach celebrities.
From Irony: Hey Netster, I believe I misplaced my wallet possibly somewhere around Murphy Hall. If anybody found a black leather wallet with a bunch of cards and stuff inside (the initials on the cards are R. M.), Net: Robert Mondavi? please e-mail Network. Net: We’re not your bitch

From The Feeble Wookie: Hey Net! I have a favor to ask of you. Today (Friday) on my bicycle ride to school, I lost something very dear to me. No no, not my “special flower,” Net: We’ll assume you have not been deflowered yet I lost my black Detroit Red Wings stocking cap, which I’ve had since 10th grade. Net: So you’re a sophomore? So if any of you Networkians out there found the hat, PLEASE send an email to the Allmighty Giver, Net, and hopefully they/he/she/it/Yudof(?) can forward the message to me. I hate to ask something without giving something in return, so I’ve included a list of good CD’s for you freshman to go buy so you don’t get caught with N’SYNC in your discman again.
1. Radiohead — “Kid A” (I think everyone will agree that Radiohead does, in fact, play music well.)
2. Public Enemy — “It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back” (For times when you feel like kickin’ it.)
3. Medeski Martin & Wood — “Shack-man” (WARNING!! There are no words, only instruments.)
4. Grateful Dead — “Mars Hotel” (Mmmmmmmm, weed) and finally
5. Metallica — “Master of Puppets” (I had this song stuck in my head today, so I couldn’t help but suggest it as well.)

Thanks to all you party people, and while these are not necessarily my 5 favorite albums, may I suggest a five favorite albums theme for this weeks Net Entries? Net: Better than bush Peace out slap-nuts.