Dear Dr. Date,
I hope you can help me out here. I can’t seem to get a guy I have a crush on out of my head! We were in a group together for a class and at first I didn’t notice him — until he started blushing every time he looked at me and I just got the vibes from him. Since then I just started to have feelings for him.
He called once and left a long cute message about how crummy he felt for missing one of the group meetings. He called a second time and my on-again, off-again boyfriend, who was over to take me to lunch, answered; that is when the vibes just faded from him. I don’t know if it is just pure infatuation or if it is really something that we should try to work out. What do you think?
During finals week I just had to see him once again and just know what those feelings were. I e-mailed him last Wednesday and kind of told him how I felt.
I also told him that if I never hear from him again, best wishes. I really wanted to hear from him again just to know if those feelings meant something. But it has been one week and he hasn’t called or e-mailed. What did I do?
— Confused and Anxious
If you sent out an e-mail that clearly explained how you feel and he didn’t respond, there are three likely reasons.
1. He didn’t get the e-mail. E-mail might not be a big priority for him since school ended. It’s possible he’s gone for the summer or maybe just a short road trip. He could be in the hospital. He could even be dead. Be patient and scan the obituaries.
2. He’s not interested in you and has no idea how to tactfully respond. This happens quite often. It’s not that he thinks you are a fool, he just isn’t attracted to you in the same way you are attracted to him. It’s an awkward situation that probably will make you feel bad, but don’t. You took a risk and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Big deal. You’re still here and there will be other boys.
3. He’s interested in you, but because of circumstances outside or inside his control, he cannot respond. He may already have a girlfriend. What started out as simple flirtation with a classmate has bloomed into a crush that is threatening to break up his current (perhaps faltering) relationship. Now, faced with a clear sign from you that you are indeed ready to consummate this mutual crush, he doesn’t know what to do. It could take him weeks to decide. Your role in this slightly implausible scenario is up to you.
Next time, skip the big e-mail production and just call him up and ask him out.
