SUMTHIN’ FROM NOTHIN’
From ‘lil nothin’: Considering I am not one who is usually noticed, Net: Try being the Page 8 story, I end up observing more than insightfully providing to the world, but I figured it would be worth it. It seems that everyone on campus is looking for cute, beautiful or handsome members of the opposite sex, or whomever they find cute and handsome. Net: We saw this darling Compaq Presario the other day; wouldn’t even acknowledge us. Sheesh … obviously didn’t know who we were … Despite this frantic looking, they end up not achieving anything and only encounter unsatisfactory beings — so I might be wrong in that everyone is claiming themselves worthy of being looked at and yet they are not being found by members of the opposite sex. Net: Mirror, mirror on the wall … who’s the hottest of them all? So it appears to me they are vastly overestimating their sexual appeal, their rating on the cuteness scale or whatever, and vastly underestimating and degrading everyone else. So at least to me, the logic would be: The world is full of ugly people. They should join together to battle the beauty that no one can seem to find, Net: Whaaauut? It’s on the TV and in Cosmo every day! and, as in all battles, if the opponent is gone, well, the winner is declared.
CHECKING IN, CHICKING OUT
From Dr. Morgan and the artist STILL known as Captain Pepper: Christina Pepper, the Captain would like to say, “Show me the ownership of the Pepper name or bite me.” Also, the Dr. thinks your little complex about being the only Pepper in the world is creepy and disturbing … seek help STAT! Plus, neither one of us is from this school! Net: Waaait a minute … are you two like, “21 Jump Street” cops or something? We like that! We don’t know about previously used nicknames, room numbers of eligible hotties in Centennial, etc. Easy now, Networkians! Net: Easy for you to say, Charlie’s Angels … *wink* *wink*.
Tacitus, one of us is a blonde … or maybe both … who knows?!? We’ll never tell! And what is wrong with brunettes anyway, dammit? (Just speaking up for the brownie population.) Kidd-o, there is nothing wrong with wearing Abercrombie and Fitch clothes because … (1) have you ever SEEN their catalog? … hot sex on a platter; and (2) Dr. Morgan used to date one of their models (even though her good guy friend, Tommy-Boy, used to call him “Abercrombie and Bitch”). Net: Is it just us, or does it seem a sultry pair of aspiring movers are infiltrating on Rolla‘s territory? All Networkians, just to fill you in a little more about our mysterious selves, the Dr. has a man … a HOT Southern California man! She’s just trying to help the Captain out (and have some eye candy on the side)! The only men who have caught our eyes are SHARKMAN and a cutie in a green hat … hey boys, you up for the challenge of takin’ their places? Then BE NICE to all the “hot” (whatever your standards of hotness may be) women eating by themselves in the cafeteria … you may just have a “more-than-academic” summer!
IF SOMETHING LOOKS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE …
From Buckfifty: Dearest Net, so I’m waiting to get some goodies from a vending machine the other day when this nice looking young woman in front of me strikes up a conversation. Net: If she’s getting Bugles, turn and run. You know the usual crap about majors, professors and such. So I’m thinking it’s prime time for me to kick some game to her. She starts asking me if I had a girlfriend and what I like to do when I’m not at school. Net: OK; the wheel is greased here … sounds encouraging … I answer her questions and she seems pleased. So now I’m thinking I’m in there! Boom! She proceeds to ask me what I’m doing this weekend. Boom! Right then I knew that if I played my cards right I would be running some bases this weekend, you know what I’m saying! I tell her I really didn’t have any plans and she says, “maybe we can get together.” Damn straight we can! So I say sure, since I’m single and don’t have the germ. Then she tells me that she’s, “in a nondenominational Christian org.” and wants to take me to one of their meetings Saturday night. DOH! Net: AAAAAAAAAAIIIUUGH!!! I was shocked to say the least. So after a long pause, I answer, “Hell no! But if you want to get together and do something that doesn’t suck, then yes.” She said she had to work for her God and she only dates religious, faithful men. F*@## that! I have never felt so played in my life … except for when the nuns in the convent told me they wouldn’t be needing any more samples from me. What a way to go out, out like a sucker! Net: We feel your pain, brother Buck. We feel your pain.
WHEN DID WE TURN INTO DR. DATE?
From Patience: Hello Network! Since I’m not enrolled in summer session, I have to read your absolutely fabulous column on the Web. Net: Could be worse. You could have to read it on the bus station floor, for instance. So I signed on today and I couldn’t believe what I was reading in the Dr. Date column! It was like my whole relationship … I started hooking up with a friend that I really liked a lot and, over time (about six months), he said he had fallen for me. So we started “dating” during the last few weeks of school. Net: *Sigh* We are not Dr. Date. My point is something that he told me my roommate had told him. That is: No matter how much you swear that there are no emotions involved, JUST WAIT! People can’t just Net: Write into Network with dating advice hook up for a long period of time (even if both say they’re just friends) and not have at least one person fall for the other. It’s inevitable. So to Torn, I say Net: WAIT A MINUTE! NOW, WHEN DID YOU TURN INTO DR. DATE?! you can hook up in the name of “friends with a twist” and just wait. Don’t be pushy. Then just wait. Things will work out given time. But you have to be patient if you want more. Net: Sort of like we have to be patient if we want more printable letters … sheesh. Next thing you know, Dr. Date‘ll be printing Rollerdiva rants.
See you Friday; King T is prepared to make his first move over the weekend … prepare thine selves!
