Dear Dr. Date,
I learned from a professor that Minnesota has the highest rate of interracial marriage of any state. But I look around at the University, and I don’t see it happening here. I’m a white woman who is interested in dating Asian men, but the Asian men on campus won’t even look at me most of the time. I take care of myself, and I am open and friendly. Is there some sort of interracial dating taboo working here, or is it me?
–Wondering
This advice is all-purpose: If you are waiting for men — Asian or otherwise — to notice you, then you might be waiting a long time. Life isn’t a junior high dance where a girl waits against the wall until a guy asks her dance. These are modern times, and, what with the world coming to an end in a couple months, you need to be more proactive and persistent.
You didn’t specify whether you have any trouble picking up non-Asian men or not. I suspect your luck is about the same except that since there are so many more non-Asian men on campus, you most likely get more interest. While there is nothing wrong with an interracial relationship, there is something peculiar about wanting to date only Asian men. The term “Asian fetish” is fairly self-explanatory. Some people become so obsessed with another race that it develops into a fetish, otherwise known as a potentially unhealthy substitute for normal sexual behavior. Obviously, the term normal is subjective, but whenever you judge someone, either favorably or poorly, by their heritage, you’ve become abnormal.
Due to unfortunate stereotyping, some men find Asian women terribly attractive because they mistakenly think these women are submissive by nature. I suspect that your desire is relatively altruistic in this case, but it still sounds as though you want to study Asian men for a science project. This, in fact, could be the vibe that your prospective Asian sweethearts are picking up on.
A colorful spectrum of Asian men exist at the University, from cultured to crass, gentle to brutal and lazy to industrious. Some have recently arrived from Asia, and others were born here in Minnesota. There are conservative Asian men and liberal Asian men. Some are traditional, and others are avant garde. Wouldn’t it make more sense to find a man who matched you regardless of race?
The key to your success in this questionable endeavor is to find an Asian man who likes to talk about, think about and do the same things that you do. Concentrate on the Asian men in your classes or those that appear to be doing the same sort of things with their lives. You’ll need to work longer and harder at this than you would normally because there are simply less Asian men to meet.