Dear Dr. Date, Hop…

Dear Dr. Date,
Hopefully, you can help me. I’ve been seeing this girl for the last three weeks and we’ve been having a great time together. However, there has been very little physical contact. I’m not used to this and am starting to wonder if something is wrong or maybe I’m picking up the wrong signals.
Anyway, last night after she got off work, she picked me up and we went out to eat. After dinner we came back to my place and popped in a movie. I had my arm around her and she was cuddling up close to me. I decided to go in for the kiss. I turned my head to face her, no response. I leaned in until I was about an inch from her cheek, no response. I brought my hand up and started stroking her cheek and running my fingers through her hair, still no response. Not really wanting to make out with her ear I gave up for a while.
After about 30 minutes I tried again, but with no luck. This time she brought her hand up to her face and was playing with her lips. I thought she was nervous, so I just backed off. The movie got over at 3 a.m., and both of us were really tired, so she went home. She says she wants to go out again, but if this keeps up I’m going to lose interest. What should I do?


Wow, that’s hard to figure out. From the way you tell the story, it sounds like she’s just really shy. When I was in junior high and high school, I had some pretty ridiculous moments where it took about an hour for a kiss to actually take place.
Here’s a slightly embarrassing story. During the entire time of my first legitimate post-pubescent relationship, I never once kissed my sweetheart.
The oddest part was that we went steady for eight months. I can’t really explain what I was thinking, but it made sense at the time. We did everything else a normal teenage couple might do. We sent each other ridiculous notes, we talked for hours on the phone, and we held hands at the football games. But we never once kissed.
All I can offer to you is that sometimes when a person hasn’t been in a lot of relationships, they don’t exactly know what to do. Your idea of when and how intimacy should happen may be completely different than hers. Next time you are in a kissing situation, state your desire. Rather than ask “Can I kiss you?” whisper “I’d really like to kiss you right now.” At this point, you should get a clear answer from her.