Below The Newswhole

by Robert Downs

Today I start a blog, Below The Newswhole, that highlights police reports that aren’t substantial enough to make it on the site or in the paper. However, nobody claimed that these stories weren’t entertaining…

Woman cited for glue sniffing

When and where: 11:35 p.m. on June 25 at 500 Oak Street SE.

Who and What:"Officers observed a [28-year-old woman] in possession of a can filled with spray paint commonly used for huffing. [The woman] was cited for huffing and released at the scene."

The burning question: How did Minneapolis police officer Katherine Hammes have enough evidence to charge the woman with huffing?


How often does THIS happen?!

When and where: 8:12 p.m. on June 28 at 1530 6 ST S

Who and What: "Victim had a cell phone taken out of her hand by a suspect who fled the scene."

The burning question: Did the scene from "The Matrix" in which Neo takes that businessman’s phone and runs away contribute to this crime? I’ll answer that: Of course it did.


Underage consumption*: He blew a .183

The most interesting parts of underage consumption reports are the actions that get these kids caught, and their BAC once the police make them blow. Starting right now, the record stands at .183 BAC by 20-year-old William Bloomerkranz.


*Full disclosure: I am not condoning high BAC levels. The level is just a factoid. Binge drinking is a serious societal problem that happens to be intersting.


When and where: 12:33 a.m. on June 28 at 27 AVE and Como AVE SE.

Who and What: Cops spotted 20-year-old William Bloomerkranz fall while walking along Como Ave SE. The guy said he was "alright," but admitted to drinking underage. Officers breathalized him – he registered a .183. "[Bloomerkranz] continually placed his hands into his pockets after being instructed to keep his hands out of them. Officers discovered that [Bloomerkranz] had a 12 oz. can of Busch light in his left front pocket."

The burning question: Did he get to keep the can of beer?