The bus inside of everyone

Oh, sure. People here are really worried about the whole bus strike ordeal. But in retrospect, it is not that big of a problem. I know of a whole other Metro Transit-type of transportation. It’s called WALKING.

Seriously, people shouldn’t be so selfishly dependent on taking a bus around town. How long can it possibly take to walk someplace in the cities? Suck it up, wake up a little earlier and waddle the 20 or so miles to work or school. A little exercise never hurt anyone. Furthermore, this transportation sacrifice would be for a good cause: getting more money for people who drive predetermined routes all day.

I’m no hypocrite in this matter. Even though I walk to all my classes, the notion that I can take the route 16 down Washington Avenue for two blocks is always a huge temptation. I think that pretty much puts me in the same category as all bus users in the city. I have to endure the same inconvenience. A strike is always a setback; nonetheless, that’s a part of life. It’s like when you order your tenderloin to be cooked medium, and instead the waiter gives it to you medium-rare. Sure, you don’t like it at the time – but hey, it’s just a steak, right?

It is with that outlook that I think everyone should approach the bus strike crisis. These circumstances should merit a giant celebration of walking and bike riding, not this pessimistic atmosphere that I get from the news. There’s not much else to rely on. Some people have actually suggested carpooling, but I think that’s going way too far. Why, you might ask? It is because I have no idea what carpooling means. Plus, it sounds icky.

Optimism is the best tool for success. Do not regard this issue as an all-encompassing detriment to society but rather as an opportunity to showcase the tenacity of the general public. Buses tend to dehumanize us anyway. We don’t need them to run our lives! This is our chance to show that we can do fine without the pompous, overrated bus system. So stop whining, dust off that old Segway in the attic and travel another way. Heck, the people of the Twin Cities might even get used to my method and render Metro Transit busing unnecessary.

But I digress.

To be quite honest, I am not an expert in the field of urban transportation. I’m simply someone who has a genius-level amount of common sense and a knack for solving problems. Like I always say, “Caring is my business, and business is good.” If you care, too, please join me in my effort to end the negativity associated with this bus strike stuff. Realize that you never actually needed buses. They are merely the undercooked steaks of our lives.

Mat Koehler is a humor columnist. He welcomes comments at [email protected]