Dear Dr. Date,
Hi, I hope you can help me with something I’ve been trying to decide. I came to terms with being bisexual years ago in high school and came out to most of my friends. But I never had a relationship with a woman because my parents would probably disown me. I wanted to wait until I was out of college and didn’t have to worry about their financial support anymore. Well, I came to college and joined a sorority, but have never felt like I could tell anyone there in the three years I’ve been in it. Then I met a great guy, and we got engaged very recently. So I suppose I’ll never be with a woman, which is OK — he’s worth it. But here is my question: Do you think he has a right to know about my orientation? It doesn’t really affect him, but somehow I feel like it might be wrong to marry him without letting him know so he can decide if he can accept it. (I honestly don’t know how he’ll react, he’s very suburban and not used to differences the way I am, being from a public school in a big city.) What do you think?
— M

Go ahead and tell him. Depending on just how suburban he is, you might have to deal with a few misperceptions of his. Most people assume that because a bisexual person will have sex with either a man or a woman, they want to have sex all the time. The truth is that bisexuals have the same amount of control a heterosexual or homosexual person does. Make it clear to him that he is “worth it” and that you are making a commitment to be with him and him alone.
He may also harbor a fear of losing you to someone he simply cannot compete with: another woman. In his mind, there may come a time when you learn that you only want to be with women and that he just isn’t doing it for you anymore. This isn’t a stereotype, but a self-esteem issue on his part. Again, make it clear to him that you know who you are and what you want.
Of course, this all assumes he won’t be totally into the idea of you being with another woman. He may actually fantasize about it already. This brings up other problems, but none you can’t deal with.
(Hey! Dr. Date’s Spring Mixer is fast approaching. On Friday, May 14, the Weisman will once again graciously open its doors for the University’s swingin’ masses. Each mixer has gotten larger than the last, which topped out at 2200 or more last fall. Start practicing your coy, inviting smiles now!)