Tyson named new IBF head

SOMEWHERE, Italy (API) — It was announced today by the IBFthat Mike Tyson will be the new president of the international boxing agency. Tyson, who was scheduled to fight a guy tomorrow somwhere in Italy, flew back to the United States to begin preparations for his new job.
If that doesn’t grab ya by the collar and swing ya around a little, try this on for size:He’s also announced that he plans to take over the world.
“I think I’m a very viable choice,”Tyson said. “I may not have the smarts for the job, but I gotta feed my kids. These people that don’t want to let me do the job are starving my kids. How are my kids supposed to eat if I can’t work?”
Tyson, who made approximately $75 million dollars between 1990 and 1993, went on to say that he really needs the job to pay for a new pool as well.
Critics were outraged by the announcement, saying Tyson has neither the qualifications nor the years of experience with beaurocracy to deal with being the president of the boxing association.
“He has neither the qualifications nor the years of experience with beaurocracy to deal with being president (of the boxing association,”Dave Wired said.
Wired, who could have been champion of the world before he was thrown in jail for 30 years after stealing a Baby Ruth from Tom Thumb, also said he was surprised that The Minnesota Daily continues to bother putting out a sports section with a clearly inept sports editor.
“It’s really shocking that the paper is even allowed to publish that guys section. And could he run any more pictures of Nora Sauska?Give it a rest.”
Josh Linehomer, the section’s wannabe sports editor rose to defend his section.
“Sniff, yeah, uh, what?” he said. “Sorry, you just woke me up.”