“Which one of you ate corn last night?” University President Mark Yudof demanded.
The Daily World News has learned Yudof interrogated several students Friday for their involvement in the mysterious piles of chocolate surprises found all over campus.
The suprises, resembling king- size Baby Ruth candy bars, were discovered in Northrop Mall eight times in the past week.
“I’ve never seen such a love for corn before,” Yudof said.
After some questioning, Yudof learned the students were a part of the Student FECES Committee, a group that enjoys defecating in public places.
“I have a fetish for taking a crap in public places. Until someone else discovered it, I thought my sh*t didn’t stink,” said Matt Clark, a member of the FECES committee.
But University administration will no longer tolerate students who think their sh*t doesn’t stink (like Clark).
“We cannot tolerate this type of behavior — that stench might permeate our business suits in Carlson,” said Dean David Kidwell, who also thinks his sh*t doesn’t stink.
The Baby-Ruth-surprises have been discovered all over Northrop Mall by innocent students.
Some student was horrified by the sight, the Daily World News has learned in an exclusive interview.
“I thought I would lose my dorm food,” Amy Smith said.
Matt “Fatty” Arbuckle, a former nutrition major, was appalled, but refused to let us quote him on anything except “hey, hey, hey,” in a weak-attempt to imitate Fat Albert.
One former staff member was so intrigued by the activities of the FECES committee that she wanted to join the group.
“It’s just another dirty activity I would like to engage in,” Jan Gangelhoff said.
University administration will be monitoring Northrop Mall around the clock in an attempt to catch members of the FECES committee in action.
“I will be stationed out there with my pooper-scooper,” Yudof said.

For a good time, call Flava Ofthemonth at 1-900-MIXALOT and shake them nasty thoughts.