Dear Dr. Date,
I am confused at your ignorance in your reply in the Oct. 1 issue. The author wrote in concerned about his ex-girlfriend and the rumor that she was sleeping with a married father of two.
You stated, “This is none of your business … We already have too many people imposing their morals on us as it is.” That is nonsense. If people did not impose morals upon others, there would be no rights and wrongs, no rules, no laws and no order. What if Seriously Confused heard that the girl killed someone? Should he confront her then? The point is, regardless of the magnitude of the wrong, I believe that if Seriously Confused still cares about his ex, he has the right and even the responsibility to confront her about the rumors going around. The issue is not morality; the issue is being concerned for a friend.
— Choices Should Be Influenced
Up to a certain point, I understand the need for morals. What I don’t believe in is too many people imposing their personal values on other people. Just because the rules that you operate under work for you doesn’t mean I should follow them. I also don’t put adultery on the same level as murder. What she’s doing won’t, as the author prophesied, ruin her life.
When I was 17, I dated a woman for three years. After we broke up, she moved to a small town and proceeded to have a string of relationships with significantly older and sometimes married men. It pissed me off and, like the author of last week’s letter, I felt I needed to save her or something ridiculous like that. Despite all my protests and concern, she did whatever she wanted to do. It will be the same story with the woman in last week’s letter. It’s her life, and she will do whatever she wants.
If she had been doing crack cocaine or getting dangerously drunk every night or sleeping with the entire varsity football team at a party, then there would be a legitimate concern for her health and, as a friend, he should intervene. But for the most part, sleeping with a married man is not a life or career-threatening activity. I always wondered why my ex-girlfriend did it, and it took me years to figure it out. She chose these men because they were deeper, calmer, more experienced, better lovers, better listeners and more patient than guys her own age. She also didn’t want to commit to a long-term relationship. A married man meets these criteria.
Just so you understand me clearly, I’m not saying what she’s doing is the best thing for her, but she’ll be OK.