Net: Today we go f…


Net: Today we go forth confidently into …


NEW TOPICS

From Mr. Hanky: Hiiieieie deeeeeeeeee hoooooooooooooo! Net: Hi.
First off, I would like to commend the person (or persons) for taking a big, nasty looking shit on the Washington Avenue Bridge, which I so magnificently came across on my way to class on Monday. Has anyone else seen this random fecal dropping around?? Net: No … we think you’re just full of … never mind.
Where do we recruit these JAGGOFFS from? I mean, dammit. At least they had the courtesy to wipe their anal cavity with some McDonald’s napkins though, which were spread out randomly and were quite obviously “tainted” with some butt matter. Net: We love the thought that some people are settling down to their morning bagel as they’re reading this. Sorry, folks.
I can live with all the dead birds that seem to smash themselves into the window panes, or even my roommate, who has taken the habit of throwing various projectiles out of our third-story apartment window (into a church parking lot, nonetheless!!) but these “nature boys” who seem not to need restrooms I could definitely do without!!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure we’ve all been a situation where … uh … nature is calling … and the nearest bathroom seems about as close as Pakistan Net: Or maybe somebody’s homeless, and just doesn’t care anymore, but dammit, I don’t want to see the product of your pizza-eating, Busch Light-drinking and ramen-noodly deposit.
I don’t plan on being nominated for the Pulitzer Peace Prize for this Net: Good thing, too. Netanyahu’s got it cornered — NOT!!!, but if I made life better for the squirrels who make our campus their home, then by golly, I’m doing a good job!!
KEEP POOP IN THE TOILET, OR AT LEAST IN YOUR OWN PANTS!!!! Net: Thank you. Ummm … how’s that cream cheese tasting right now? Perhaps we should proceed to more edifying fare. Speaking of McDonald’s …

HERE’S THE BEEF

(Net: OK, that’s a Wendy’s reference. Lay off. We deserve a break today.) From Bodine: You know, is it just me or is the service at McDonald’s here on campus extremely bad? I’m not talking about Old Faithful there in Dinkytown. While that one may have its own issues, I’m talking about the new one in Stadium Village.
Months ago I swore I’d never go there again. The employees and managers were just so rude to each other. They’d sit there and yell at each other, blah, blah, blah. Nonetheless, it was entertaining — but at the same time I felt bad for the employees.
Well, earlier this week I ended up putting aside my biases and ate there because of time constraints. You see, I was on the West Bank and wanted to take a bus over to the Dinkytown area, but I got on the wrong bus, and by the time I knew it, I was on my way for a tour of the St. Paul campus. Net: Sounds like a great mooooove to us. Too bad it was dark out. Anyway, I went to McDonald’s, and not only were the workers rude to each other, this lady was rude to me, her paying customer.
Is it just me, or am I just having a bad day every time I go in there?


A CALL TO ACTION
From Once Upon a Squirrel Fighter: How many people have a night class on Mondays? How many people paid the $6 event fee to park and go to class? Or, more specifically, how many people are sick of getting screwed by Parking Services? Want to complain to them? Please do. Parking and Transportation “Services” e-mail: [email protected] Phone number: 612-626-7275 — or better yet, go down there to complain. Net: And yet, we suspect that people will still feel a need to write us. And we’re here — really, we are — to hear your calls. But Once Upon has a point. Direct action sometimes can make a difference. So give it a shot! And let us know how it goes.

A PLEA

From Mathlady: Oh, Network, is Thanksgiving break here yet? Net: No. I have so many tests, I can’t see the end. Net: We can, and it involves serving a lot of espresso — but be reassured that you are not alone. I just need some time to sit back and relax — watch TV, read a good book (my biochem book is not what I consider a good book) or maybe beat my boyfriend at Tekken 3 Net: Or perhaps you could just beat him — have you stopped beating your boyfriend? — that always makes me happy.
The one bad thing about Thanksgiving break, though, is that afterwards we still have about two weeks of school until the real break, and we’re so stuffed with turkey and thoughts of holidays that we can’t concentrate anyway. Why can’t we end our quarter at Thanksgiving? Net: Because then we couldn’t be thankful for the two more weeks of academic stimulation we’ll receive here at our beloved University. That, or just skip the holiday — we made it this far, we might as well go until the second week in December.
Why do they insist on teasing the students with a couple days off? Net: We don’t know. You might want to check with your boyfriend regarding teasing questions. We’re just here to listen and be your friends. And as your friends, Mathlady, (who is one of our more reliable and beloved correspondents), we wish you the happiest few days before Thanksgiving, and the best possible break you can have. May it heal well, and may we hear from you again.
Take care, everyone, and remember — today is the first day of the rest of your life. So drive carefully. We’ll be back next week.