Dear Dr. Date,
Here’s a question about an odd relationship that you may have seen before. I have a friend who is involved in a relationship with another man. She does not seem fulfilled or happy with this relationship, but claims to be. She continuously turns to me for moral support, advice, going out for dinner, movies, etc. Of course, she expects me to foot the bill for some reason, even though she’s not in a relationship with me. Any advice? Should I just get out of the whole business here?
–Sick of Being Someone’s Second Fiddle

I was at the symphony the other day and I noticed (with some surprise) that both the first- and second-chair violinists got to take bows while the other violinists were forced to join in one large bow with the entire orchestra. In this case, second fiddle certainly wasn’t as grand and wonderful as first fiddle, but it wasn’t too bad, either. Second fiddle always has the hope that serious illness may cripple first fiddle.
Incidentally, I was also taken aback by the rather bawdy content of the piece, Carl Orff’s “O, Fortuna.” I’ll take a wild guess and posit that the “Fortuna” in the title is the same Fortuna that spins the wheel of fate that can turn your life from up to down as quickly as a contestant hitting the bankrupt slice on television’s “Wheel of Fortune.”
Incidentally, “bankrupt,” although a legal term, could be used loosely as an excuse to get your friend to pay next time. When she calls you up crying tomorrow, complaining of her brutish lout of a non-understanding boyfriend and begging for you to help repair her impossibly damaged psyche with ice cream, movie tickets and a diamond tiara, you can simply tell her you’re bankrupt.
Rather than lying, which will inevitably make you morally bankrupt, you could just be honest with her and say “I always pay. It’s your turn.” I doubt, however, whether the issue of bill paying is the real issue for you. Everything in your letter indicates to me that you are playing second fiddle because you think that’s your best shot. Take your own advice and get away from this situation as cleanly and quickly as you can. You can still be friends, but stop indulging her habitual need to lean on you whenever she wants to.
Oh dear! I’ve hardly any room left to chastise you severely for a couple of things. First, are you only being her “friend” in hopes that you might someday score? I’d milk you for free stuff, too. Secondly, don’t ever assume that buying a woman dinner or gifts entitles you to sex or any of its equivalents.