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Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

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The Minnesota Daily

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Dear Dr. Date,Like…

Dear Dr. Date,
Like so many others before me, I need advice. I’ve known this girl for about two years now and within the last couple months, our paths have run close enough together so that we’ve become really good friends. I’ve always had a little thing for her but getting to know her has made it really out of hand. I can’t concentrate in classes, I have a hard time falling asleep at night, etc. — basically things that were never a problem two, or even one, month ago. The problem is that this is her last quarter here at the University. Plus, she’s already got a job lined up on the east coast, so I know that after March, I won’t see much of her at all. So here is the dilemma that I face: I know that her feelings are nowhere near the strength of mine. Do I confront her with my feelings and get them out, or do I enjoy our friendship for one more month and leave it at that? Even if something did happen, it wouldn’t be serious enough in one month to consider the difficulty of long-distance relationship. What to do?
— Running Outta Time

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about two of my good friends that just started dating. They themselves had been friends for more than eight years now. They’ve been close, but never romantically involved until now. Over the last few years their lives have taken them around the country and the world, but they never lived in the same place at the same time until now. They both have had many endeavors that kept them busy and helped define them. They each have had a string of relationships ranging in quality from pretty good to piss poor. In other words, these two friends of mine went about their lives separately and they still ended up together.
I don’t know how they felt about each other four years ago, but they’re feeling great right now. Regardless of how they felt then, they never told each other anything that might have made things go differently.
You see, friend, figuring out the details of your future isn’t that important right now. Time and chaos will surely change any plans you might have now. Truthfully, you could tell her or not tell her, and life will probably work out just fine. Enjoy the time you have with her while she is still here. Go out for dinner or a pint of beer, and just be the friends you are. Maybe something will happen, but if it doesn’t, you’ll both be great friends. If something does happen, you’ll have that and your friendship. Don’t complicate things by making plans for the rest of your lives together.

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