Net: Apparently, our little friend brother Rage!!! has tied quite a few of Networkia’s panties in a bunch (Rollerdiva swears by this). This guy is an imbecile of the highest order, such that we’ve allocated an entire episode of Network to readers bashing him. Those looking for letters involving Gary Coleman and sex fetishes, tune in next week … Eliot Lippe is closer than ye think.
ROCK OVER FRAT ROW
From The dogs are dead: Dear Network: No way. Net: Way, dude. I’m not buying it. Forget it. There is no way brother Rage!!! is a frat boy. Net: Wethinks the random doth protest too much. How do I know this? He failed to say “kegger,” “chicks” or “date rape” even once. And Christ, even most Animal Liberation Front members can spell “constantly” right. Net: Which begs the question … who is dumber: those who diligently love animals, or those who’ll only love animals on one of those cold, lonely, Busch Light-filled nights? No, I think brother Rage!!! is a wannabe frat boy. (O, God, the notion of a wannabe frat boy is even scarier than a bona fide frat boy armed to the teeth with bad cliches.) He’s probably some tubby dorm dweller who never got accepted by any of the gay baths — I mean, frat houses. After a night of pounding foo-foo drinks and making friends with the wallpaper at Sally’s, Net: Hey, that paper’s got personality! our wannabe came home and invented brother Rage!!!, his alter ego and ticket into the world of the frat boy. Net: I’ve got a golden ticket, I’ve got a golden chance to make my … aw, shaddap. Well, he might have fooled some, but for those of us who have dealt with this plague in the past, he’s just another stain on the underwear of life Net: Tie one on.
So, brother Rage!!!, I challenge you to reveal your frat if you really are a member. This way, the “randoms,” as you put it, will know what house to line up in front of to suck their way in Net: Something about this certainly sucks. And if you are a fake — well, I hear mulletsgalore.com is looking for a few good men. Net: We recommend the “pornmullets” as well as the “handimullet.” Solid stuff.
From The Chosen One: Hey, Network. After reading the “entry” submitted by good ol’ brother Rage!!! Thursday, I also have to get something off my chest. Net: Enough about Rollerdiva already. Before I say anything else, I am also a member of the greek system here at the University. Net: You guys make a hell of a gyro. But seriously, enough with this “greek” mumbo-jumbo. Just say you’re a frat boy and get on with it. And even though brother Rage!!! is also in the greek system, I must say he is a complete dipsh*t. Net: Great call. Next you’ll tell us that beer tastes good. Now listen up, Slapnuts, because I have this great idea for you. Instead of having your parents send you off to school, pay for your fraternity fees and probably buy you some $20,000 car, why don’t you try getting a third-grade education? Net: Hmmmmmmm. A life of luxury or long division. Decisions, decisions. You made yourself look like a dumbass. And in doing this, you made the entire greek system look foolish (which is how the majority of this campus sees us, anyway). Net: Yeah, it’s all this guy’s fault. One retard doth not a stereotype make. Way to go, Slapnuts. And your little comment about randoms “sucking you off” to get into a party was just plain retarded. I don’t know what kind of inbred whores go to your parties Net: Only the classy, sensitive kind, but nothing like that happens at our house. Probably because we actually respect the girls that come to our house. Net: Sure. So, brother Rage!!!, why don’t you just go back to your third-grade grammar and spelling books and learn a little something?
Now, this goes out to all the “randoms” out there. Net: Can the rest of us ‘specifics’ listen in? Believe it or not, we in the greek system have no problem with you. We do not throw stereotypes upon you. Net: Once again, sure. We do not bitch and moan about you. We realize you make up the great majority of this campus, and we can’t do anything to change that. Net: Vote Net for MSA! Free Puffy! One random can make a difference! Also, without trying to sound arrogant, Net: Mission failed. Report to the basement for your spanking we don’t care what you think. This is a free country, and you have the right to voice your opinions about us as freely as you wish.
Net: Maybe in America, but not in our space. Suffice to say The Chosen One went on and on ranting about why people talk smack about fraternities but still try to get into frat parties. Two words, Junior: free beer. Next!
From Loosey: Net, tater-tot hotdish is awesome Net: Warning! Abrupt topic shift and I don’t know why I am even responding to brother Rage!!! because it’s obvious he’s a moron. First off, I have never been on a list to a frat party, and I have always gotten in, no “special favors” needed. Secondly, beer is given to me just for smiling sweetly. Net: Can you do that standing on your head? And the funny thing is I never drink it because I hate beer! Net: Blasphemy! How dare thee distaste the golden elixir? We can’t get enough of that wonderful Duff.
Ha, ha! I’m more of a hard liquor chick myself. At any rate, moron Rage!!!, I do like greeks; I’ve spent countless hours with them, I’ve dated them. Net: All of them? Busy, busy girl. And if you prefer 25 crappy blow jobs Net: Yes from randoms with no technique one night of the week to having a girlfriend give expert ones every day and night Net: Yes, yes of the week, well that’s your choice, frat boy … or should I call you STD boy? Net: Whatever blows your hair back. And for Pete’s sake, buy a dictionary!
Net: Well, that should about finish the debate about Mr. Rage!!! What have we learned? Tater-tot hotdish is widely acclaimed, drunk frat boys should stay away from computers and fraternity members will go on forever with “reasons” to justify their little clubs. All that, and it takes a pretty big fish to hump a whale. Andnowwegottagodrinkabeeror15.
