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The Minnesota Daily

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Interim President Jeff Ettinger inside Morrill Hall on Sept. 20, 2023. Ettinger gets deep with the Daily: “It’s bittersweet.”
Ettinger reflects on his presidency
Published April 22, 2024

The man from Nowhere land

You decide that the disgruntled students seem to be the best lead you’ve had so far, so you follow them down Church Street.
As the four of you approach Coffman Memorial Union, you hear crazed voices screaming, “Down with The Man!”
You and the three students sit down on the periphery of the circular, cross-legged crowd. A tall shaven-head man with a megaphone stands near a lightpost in the center of the crowd, yelling, “The Man jeopardizes our freedom and happiness on a daily basis! He takes away our Readers! He plunders our radio stations! More students must know about The Man! We must make it our mission to let students know about The Man!”
A student near the center of the crowd stands up, pushes his way to the center of the crowd, grabs the megaphone, and says “The Man tortures me every day! I see his shadow wherever I go! I can’t sleep at night because I’m afraid that as soon as I close my eyes he’ll be there!”
Marcy, the woman who stroked your forehead earlier in the evening, turns to you and says, “You must speak to your peers. They must know what The Man has done to you.”
You have always hated speaking to an audience. In your 10th-grade speech class you dropped one of your note cards, and when you bent over to pick it up your pants split so far that your Mickey Mouse underwear was displayed to your classmates. Since then, the idea of giving a speech has frozen you with fear.
But what if one of the disgruntled students knows who the man is? Maybe if they hear your story they will feel sorry for you and help you find him. You can’t imagine what you would do if you couldn’t go Baja for spring break. You start to daydream and suddenly think you smell suntan oil, but realize that the person sitting next to you is eating a coconut candy bar. His loud chewing jolts you back to reality and the choice before you.
You are just about to confide in Marcy about your fear of public speaking when you see a familiar dark figure out of the corner of your eye. You shake your head and look again, but he is gone. Looking around the rally, you see another familiar face.
“I have seen that man somewhere,” you think. “I just can’t place where …”
If you decide to speak at the rally…
See ASK NOT WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU page 24
If you can’t bring yourself to speak, but decide to stay at the rally to pick up clues and chat with the familiar guy…See ‘GET A LITTLE CLOSER; NOW DON’T BE SHY’ page 10

If you choose to walk in the towards the area where you saw the dark figure…See EATING YOUR WAY OUT page 12

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