Net: The SUPER CRAZ…

Net: The SUPER CRAZY WHATEVER CONTEST is heating up! And, contrary to rumor, the object has not been found, unless the individual has not written us. One of our lackeys ascertained that the object was still hidden as of about 10 a.m. yesterday morning. But enough of this, here’s what you be cravin’:

Between the pages
Tucked next to chapter fifteen
‘N Seventy-two’

We’re getting pretty obvious now. If it is not found tomorrow, we will give a COMPLETELY OBVIOUS clue in Friday’s Network. Good luck all!

From Troubled_Hunter: Network! What the NUT is with these screwed-up clues you keep giving? Net: We’re not sure either Oh … big deal … second floor of Wilson. Net: Shhhh Á You’re just helping the other people find it! Well, whoop dee frickin’ doo! Second floor is NUTing huge! Net: Smaller than the entire campus, though, isn’t it? And, don’t get in a “bind.” What the hell? Oh yeah, oh yeah, read “Network.” I hate you. I hate you. Give us a better clue you sadistic bastard. Net: (Little do they know the object is hidden in our pants) I’m gonna shove a bound, second floor issue of Network up your ass. Why not take that frog out of your ass and help us with the super happy fun whatever the NUT you call it. PISSED OFF! Net: We knew that the mention of a free one-ounce bag of Doritos would get the campus’ blood flowin’

From Moofer343: I’ve done as you suggested. I skipped four classes today and I’m skipping sleep tonight. Net: The true glory is not in the finding, but in the hunt I can’t understand why you had to hide the medallion so well. Net: It’s NOT a medallion If someone finds that medallion can you please have him or her send me an email so I can arrange to pick it up? I really need the $500 grand prize. Net: Umm Á yeah Á Actually can you just send me the money now? Net: OKEY! It’s on they way! It would really help if I could get the cash by Friday. I don’t want to resort to drastic measures like getting a job. Hey, how much do I get paid for this letter anyway? I know you have deep pockets with all those porno ads you’re running. Net: No, they pay us in Á other ways Á heh Let’s share the wealth a little or I may have to black mail you with those scandalous pictures I found of the Network and Dr. Date in bed. Net: We were just telling secrets

From NoPantsFunGame: Net, I am really ashamed of you. You must have been desperate to have someone win your contest. I worked at your clues, thought about them, and even skipped all of my classes the past two days to search at Wilson Library for the coveted prize that was found soon before I got there. Net: No, it wasn’t Any monkey with a bell would have found the prize after your third clue. Net: Well, that monkey has not e-mailed us the correct code words yet. Many people have tried E-mailing the code words, but have been terribly incorrect Network, I was thinking higher of you, and you should have made the clues harder to understand. Or, just let me write in Network, then it would all be good anyway. Oh yeah, and Radiohead does in fact play music well. Net: So, let’s get this straight: You want us to be more specific in our clues (ala Troubled_Hunter), make the clues harder to understand, AND feature magic robots in each one?
From TrojenMan: Silly Net! What ever possessed you to hide the SUPER CRAZY Object in Wilson Library? I bet the average Networkian has asked itself, “Who uses the library anyway?” Well, let me enlighten you … OLDNODDER and THAT GUY, that’s who. Net: *Gasp* We hope they don’t find it Congratulations, you’ve managed to single out all students on campus whose personality compares to that of a wet dishcloth and give them the best opportunity of becoming one with Net. Unless working with a 40-year-old divorced guy Net: Whee! Maybe we can ride on his motorcycle is your bag, enjoy the Pandora’s Box you have just unleashed upon yourself. Had you wanted to avert this disaster, you should have hid the SUPER CRAZY object in a place where charm, charisma, and rapist wit are abundant. In fact, they are so dense there that it’s stored in bottles placed on the shelves. Obviously, I’m talking about a liquor store. Net: If there was one contained within the University campus, you can bet it would have been hidden there, right inside a box of Labatt Blue bottles

From Vtherpendragon: The super secret code words are (cue drum roll, cannon, marching band playing “La Marsaillese,” fireworks, and unfurling of Networkian flag): “KEEP THIS COUPON!” Net: HOORAY! NO!

From larz: in reply to catsneezer‘s little tale of getting caught by her mom sleeping at her boyfriend’s place. I remember a girl who had AOL Net: You used AOL? HAH AH AHA AH AHA HA Á with that same screen name. And oh yeah, guess what? Catsneezer’s mom is my mom too! Net: The horror! Having your little bro go to the same school’s a bitch, huh? So … what’s it worth to ya for that article not to show up on the kitchen table in a day or two? I’m thinking I need some new speakers for my truck … sound like a deal? Net: Network: Home of blackmailing for 16 years Sure you don’t live at home anymore, but she knows where you live, and that’s what would scare me. Net: Here’s what we guess she’ll say: “That wasn’t me who wrote in to Network, it was my friend’s roommate” Later sis.

From PAKMAN: Yo Net, I’m gonna make this quick since I’m in my characteristic I.T. pre-finals funk. What’s up with yesterday’s Duplex? Net: Thanks for pointing this out! See figures 1 and 2. We emphasize that we have NOT edited them in anyway (except for deleting the extra stuff around them) The dude looks like he’s suckin’ on a cock. The second segment is particularly vulgar where it actually appears as though he’s drooling semen like a porn-slut. These cartoonists are all going to hell. Net: DONOTLETYOURCHILDRENREADTHEDAILY