Dear Dr. Date,
Hello. My name is K—-. I have a problem! I like this guy, but he is going out with my best friend! She already knows, but she likes him a lot, too. She won’t break up with him. Not like I would expect her to. Sometimes I think about him and I can’t sleep. I have gone out with him before and we really liked each other! I just don’t know what happened. What should I do?
— K—-
Find another guy. Both he and your best friend are in a relationship that should have something to do with trust. By violating that trust you are not being a friend to either of them. There are plenty of silly rules put forth about dating into which I wouldn’t put much credence. But, here is one that usually is true: If you break up a relationship to get someone, expect to have your relationship with that person broken up by someone else.
Think about it. If this guy were to break his commitment (with your best friend of all people) what kind of trust would you have in him?
Yours is yet another example of wanting something just because you can’t have it. It happens to all types of people in all types of situations. Usually this problem occurs when you are not willing or capable of having things of your own. It becomes dangerously easy to fall for the romance and tragedy of something beautiful being out of reach. The beautiful thing takes on more beauty and often turns into an obsession or fetish. I think in your case you may not really be ready for the responsibility of a relationship. You want one, but it seems much to daunting to build one from scratch. So, instead, you pine after your best friend’s sweetheart. This also makes sense because best friends share many of the same ideals including ideal sweethearts.
You didn’t go into enough detail about your prior dealings with this special boy for me to ascertain much. It does sound, however, as though you missed the boat. In the words of my pal Hank Williams, Sr.:
“You’re just in time to miss the boat, so don’t take off your hat and coat.
“Be on your way, that’s all she wrote. Cause I won’t be home no more!”
We both know about the phrase “All’s fair in love and war,” but you’ve got to think about the long-term effects on your already suspect soul. Is this the way you want your relationship to start? By stealing him from your best friend?!
No. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your head. Now is not the time to be thinking of him. I have heard of this sort of thing taking off some time later after everyone is no longer involved, but that time is not right now. Clear your head, identify your needs and find your own boyfriend. There’s plenty of ’em out there.