Network: Anime_nerd_killa; Facebook whore; Desperate for a better net

>Lately I have been troubled by a growing epidemic, which has affected the image of martial arts in the United States. Net: It’s called Ralph Macchioitis and there is no cure Ö yet. It seems as though the only people who take martial arts are anime loving, Matrix obsessed, Steven Segal wannnabes, who butcher the pronunciation of Japanese words and still think they are cool for saying it in Japanese. Is it so hard to say the English translation of the word or does saying it in Japanese make you feel like more of a badass? Net: Oh, badass, definitely. During my exchange in Japan, I noticed that the Japanese who study martial arts seem to be as normal as the rest of the population. There were no pony tails, no tattoos of dragons eating tigers and no black trench coats; just people who enjoyed exercise and tradition. Net: Like our own pastime of bowling. If anyone out there is in search of a good martial arts place, then there are a few things to watch out for: 1. If the instructor has 50 patches on his uniform that signify each of the moves he knows, such as tiger claw. 2. If the instructor demonstrates breaking 5 bricks with his head (I never understood the purpose of this move). 3. Places that charge $300 every time you are promoted to a new belt (martial arts belts are actually quite cheap to make). 4. Places where hundreds of gigantic trophies are on display; and finally 5. Instructors with camouflaged karate belts. If you practice in one of these kinds of places, you probably think you are some sort of badass, but in actuality, ALL people think you are dorks, even your Asian girlfriend thinks you are a dork. Net: What about Rex, of Rex Kwon Do fame? Does he think you’re a dork? Cut your Steven Segal pony tail and stop ruining the image of martial arts in the United States. Oh yea, one more thing, from my experience in martial arts, boxing, wrestling, etc., if you just want to defend yourself, kick people in the NUTS. It’ll save you 300 bucks a month. Peace. Net: Or buy a gun: It’s your right and your obligation as a citizen.

From Facebook whore

Have you done this facebook stuff yet? I think that you should, then we could all see what you look like and you could let us be your friends. It always makes you feel good to have friends. I have 62 friends on the facebook. So here is what you should do, go to www.thefacebook.com and join. We could even start a group called “I heart the Net.” What do you think??? Join soon, everybodies doing it!!!! Net: We think you are in the habit of using too much punctuation!!! Also, why don’t you just be our Friendster friend? Nobody seems to want to take advantage of this amazing opportunity to hobnob with the cognoscenti, as well as consort with the smart people.

From Desperate for a better net

What the hell? You used to be sweet as candy, but now, you are just not doing so good. Net: If we were any sweeter, we’d give you a cavity. I used to want to read the Net to see your comments because your comments were the funny part. Net: You’re the only person who thought so. But now you just let people write there whole thing in and then you make some stupid comment at the end. Where are all the insertions in the middle???? Net: We can’t insert stuff if you all keep writing exactly the right amount of copy. Mix it up a little. Jeez! THAT IS THE FUNNY PART. THAT IS THE POINT OF THE NETWORK. Net: DON’T TELL US WHAT THE FUNNY PART IS! WE KNOW FROM FUNNY! Please please please be funny again. I don’t know how the time will pass if you don’t. Let’s work to make an improvement after Thanksgiving break. Net: OK, we’ve said this before, but perhaps now is a good time to reiterate: It really helps us to be funny if your e-mails are either A) funny or B) stupid. So, be funnier or stupider. We don’t care which.