Like a one-of-a-kind D&G skirt marked at a third of the original price at a fall sample sale, this semester has flown by, and before you know it, it’ll be 2008! I couldn’t just sign off, though, without some final style guidance to last until next semester’s dawning Jan. 22.
So, as my gift to all of you, I put a little list together of things that simply should not and I hope will not be seen next year. You’re bound to be surprised. And just a warning, I’m sparing nothing.
1. The North Face. See! I told ya you’d be up in arms! But when I was a first-year, this company just started to pop. Nowadays, though, I’m seeing way too much of it, and it’s just not original. Time to move on to another brand; might I suggest Patagonia or Keen? Both are much more unique than The North Face. All that fleece and lining is not flattering on anyone. If you’re skiing, OK. But East Bank? Not so much.. I know many will say they buy it because it’s so warm and useful, but what’s REALLY more useful: fierce style or floppy, baggy style?
2. “High School Musical.” What are they on now, like No. 17 or something? And those blasted Barbies made to look like the cast? Absolutely not OK. Speaking of washed-up Disney stars.
3. Cheetah Girls and Hannah Montana. In the words of my good friend Ah-ndrea, these two acts are “really out of control.” Thirteen grand for tickets my a$$!
4. Crocs. I have to say I’ve seen very few of these around lately, and I couldn’t be happier. But I’m not letting my guard down yet: I spotted an entire department in Macy’s dedicated to this style of “footwear.” And it wasn’t in gardening. where it should’ve always stayed.
5. Hair. There are several hair trends that need to be cut from our everyday style, chief among them, the “Posh Spice”/Victoria Beckham haircut. It has infiltrated every salon known to woman, and I think one Victoria Beckham is, well, one too many to begin with. Yet the girl’s one sought-after celeb, but just because you got hair like hers doesn’t mean you’ve got even an ounce of her style. Why would you want it anyway?
The other hairstyle? Bangs, like the “I’m five and could finally get my hair cut” bangs that run across the middle of the forehead, either fringy or razor-sharp straight. They were cute for a half-second about a year and a half ago, but let’s send them into the hair trend hall of shame and move on.
6. Celebretard vajayjay photos. Do I even need to elaborate? Sort of. As Kathy Griffin so eloquently put it, “Do you have to get out of a car in a yoga pose?” (Cough, Britney, cough.)
7. Tights/leggings as pants. Well, in autumn it was OK, but it’s winter now. Most look terribly foolish, like they forgot to put on the rest of the outfit. Yes I’m talking to you, girl walking down Northrop mall near Walter Library sporting those tights with (gasp!) pink UGGs and black North Face bubble coat, swinging that cheap Coach tote and rocking the floppy, half-up pony! While you were thinking “sexy, stylish and confident,” I was thinking “dirty, tired and paunchy.”
8. Paris Hilton perfumes. Her latest, “Can Can,” is more like “Cannot Cannot.” But if smelling like a stripper who hasn’t showered in three days is your thing, then by all means, “Can Can” into the new year!
9. College Pro Painters. Is it just me, or do some of the “reps” in Willey Hall think they’re posing for an Abercrombie ad? Just sayin’. it’s kinda disturbing.
10. Booties. You know, those half-shoe, half-ankle boot creations usually in a muted jewel tone? They seem so prohibition-era, and isn’t that kind of oxymoronic since I always see them worn at bars downtown? Whatevs.
It seems I’ve given you 10 gifts instead of one! Rather than presents, though, think of these as New Year’s resolutions. Come 2009, if you’ve stuck to them you’ll not only feel proud, but also LOOK proud, and that’s what matters most, no? Catch ya in 2008, and happy holidays!
–Aaron Leth welcomes comments at [email protected].
