It’s easy to hate your life on a Monday. The wind of the weekend is at your back and the week ahead looms long and large. Yeah, there are some things you can do today to keep yourself from wanting to hit fast-forward on that outdated, breaking VHS player that is your life. But why would you want to? Let’s wallow instead.

First, the show you can’t go to:

Chiddy Bang is sold out. I suppose if you’re sneaky enough, if you’re willing to hound a friend who has an extra ticket, if you’re willing to jump on the back of either Chidera “Chiddy” Anamege or Noah “Xaphoon Jones” Beresin while they’re on their way into the 7th Street Entry, if you’re willing to get indecent with whoever’s minding the door – the words “Sold Out” mean nothing.

But let’s be serious – the most Chiddy Bangin’ you’ll be doing tonight will involve Cheez-its, calculus problems and your fist on the kitchen table.

Second, the movie whose title so accurately reflects your feelings:

There’s no way to make this kind of thing up. “Everything is Terrible!” is playing at the Riverview Theater tonight. Be warned, Monday purists: this will not be mopey enough for you. It’s (sadly) goofy as hell. Imagine a blog-driven, “Tim and Eric”-inspired situation with dog clips. Sinking your listless hand into a bucket of overpriced popcorn might just be the key to getting through it. 

Third, the only museum in town that hasn’t gotten the “Close on Mondays!!” memo:

The Walker is closed on Monday, the MIA is closed on Monday, the Weisman is closed on Monday. But we don’t need the big guys when we’ve got the Museum of Russian Art. It’s an hour-long bus ride from the U of M campus, a perfect amount of time to spend reflecting on what you would have been doing instead, or what you should be doing instead. Right now the MRA has two special exhibitions up: The Art of Oleg Vassiliev and Antiquities from Ukraine. If you’re into Eastern European history, this might be more of a “Tuesday” type thing. Think about it.

Listen to: 

Pulp, “Monday Morning”

The Mamas and the Papas, “Monday, Monday”

The Jackson 5, “Stormy Monday”

Watch:

“Office Space”

“One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”

“The Wedding Singer”

Eat:

Out of boredom

Your feelings