Un-common non-sense

Listening to a Democrat talk about foreign policy is kind of like being stuck in a brightly lit room for five hours with a bloated Carrot Top. Or watching Marge Schott and David Duke walk into a NAACP meeting.

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, resisting his deep, inner urges to tell fairytales about Vietnam, told us during Thursday’s foreign-policy debate everything the electorate needs to know to understand why North Korean Radio Pyongyang is plastering Kerry speeches and favorable commentary into its broadcasts.

After President George W. Bush plugged the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, Kerry responded in standard negativism by claiming there is no change in the nation’s intelligence culture, saying “there are over 100,000 hours of tapes, unlistened to” at the FBI. The cure, judging from the senator’s voting record, is to implement multibillion dollar cuts in the intelligence community.

Citing new damning evidence of Bush’s malfeasance, Kerry said moments later that “the president hasn’t even held the kind of statesmanlike summits that pull people together.” In the spirit of a “Fahrenheit 9/11” respect for the truth, Kerry claimed Bush purposely restricted French and German construction contracts to “save for Halliburton the spoils of the war.”

Notwithstanding the nonpartisan General Accounting Office’s conclusion that Halliburton was the only company that could handle the now infamous reconstruction contract, Kerry’s newest plan to boost our economy appears to be giving profitable business contracts to foreign companies.

Later, during his “I want to look Republican” bender on unilateralism and killing terrorists, Kerry said, regarding North Korea, “I want bilateral talks which put all the issues Ö on the table.” To develop credibility on the international scene, Kerry continued, “You have to pass the global test.” (This is opposed to a national test – you know, to determine if we need to defend ourselves.)

In short, Democrats plan to do everything we did before Sept. 11, 2001, that didn’t work, and nothing after Sept. 11, 2001, that did work. Hence, Kim Jong Il fawning over Kerry.

It’s not until you escape the hypnotizing smell of Botox and suntan oil that you realize Kerry likes to make up witty phrases, such as “the global test,” to distract from his inability to stick with a position for more than 20 minutes; uses foreign-policy talking points that sound like the worst of former President Jimmy Carter, Neville Chamberlain (former prime minister of Britain) and James Buchanan put together; and has a voting record that negates almost every promise he made Thursday night.

Ultimately, the only thing the public can really learn from last Thursday is that Democrats have flushed Sept. 11, 2001, down the gaping, liberal memory hole, right next to Kerry’s senate voting record. Kerry wants to dismantle the USA Patriot Act, cut intelligence services, appease Iran and North Korea, berate our Afghani counterparts, hold useless “international summits,” pass more toothless U.N. resolutions, enlist the help of worthless inspectors and build a broader coalition by taunting our allies.

So how does Kerry really plan to “make America safer”? I have no idea. But I’m sure it includes outlawing Halliburton.

Darren Bernard welcomes comments at [email protected].