Dear Dr. Date,Approximately eight months ago I broke up with my first love. We had dated for little more than a year. I had lost my virginity to him; I was 19. After evaluating my loss, I have decided that I am all right to date once again. However, I have gone a little overboard. Going from having sex at least three times a day to nothing, really wears on a girl. I am afraid that in the last two months, I have slept with more than six different guys (protected, of course). I have also gone out and purchased a vibrator, but nothing is keeping me sane. All I ever think about is how I love and hate my ex. I can’t seem to get over the confortableness of our relationship and not having to put up with the bullshit of dating. Because of circumstances out of my control, there is no way we can ever be together again. So my question is this: Is it normal to be so promiscuous? I have urges that I can hardly handle. I just have the need to jump on just about any studly looking guy that walks by me. How can I cure myself of these cravings? –Single Horny Girl
You’ll be all right. It’s fairly normal to go through periods of monogamy and promiscuity. When you need monogamy you’ll find it and, apparently, when you need to sleep around, you do. The dangers involved with excessive meaningless sex are real, but I think you are quite aware of them and taking steps to handle them. The immediate concern is sexual safety. Make sure you take all the precautions necessary to ensure your safety. Each time you sleep with a new person you essentially sleep with all the people they’ve slept with before. It only takes one broken condom to screw things up. Go beyond safe sex into safer sex. Make sure condoms are used correctly and are fresh. Also remember that many STDs can be transferred through unprotected oral sex, too.
The longer-term danger is that your desire for meaningless sex becomes a fetish that replaces healthy behavior. People can and do become addicted to sex. I’m not that worried about you since you are the first one to point out the problem in yourself. You are definitely not in denial. That’s great. Keep things in perspective.
Remember that love can be hard to recover from. What you are going through is what almost everyone goes through after a hard breakup. From your words I see that you are already bored by the inherent emptiness of casual sex. This doesn’t mean it’s not fun, but after a while you realize that there is more to love (and life) than sex.