How to break ties with the NFL

Willard Shapira

First, the team that is having more trouble extorting a new stadium out of its home city shall automatically be declared the winner. Secondly, much like the NHL shootout, the two teams will engage in field-goal kicking competition. The team having more trouble extorting a new stadium out of its home city will use its regular kicker. The ball will be spotted on the five-yard line and will be kicked until a goal is made. The opponent then will begin with the ball at midfield, against the wind if outdoors, and will have its choice of Zygi Wilf, Lester Bagman, Sid or Barbara Flanagan as kicker for a one-kick-only attempt. Holder will be Margaret âÄúPurple RibbonâÄù Kelliher. Snapper will be Gov. Tim Pawlenty. Next, Sid will flip a coin until the team etc., etc. wins, after which Sid will pocket the coin. Dave Mona will help Sid determine whether itâÄôs heads or tails. Finally, The Star Tribune editorial board will take a vote and declare a winner. Willard Shapira, University alumnus