Network: Here To Eternity, Voice of Reason, VoiceofReason, The_Atlantean

>From Here To Eternity

Over the past ten years I’ve seen albino squirrels on campus. (Yes, in a few years I hope to be a junior.) The other day I saw a black squirrel or anti-albino squirrel in back of Johnston Hall. If an albino squirrel and an anti-albino squirrel hooked up would they be become pure energy or would they produce squirrels that looked like NASCAR checkered flags? Net: They would become rude, boy squirrels. By the way, Home Depot now carries vomitrons. A vomitron is a wet vac that is specifically designed to pick up vomit. Every Greek house needs at least one. Perhaps the Panhellenic Council can negotiate a volume discount. Net: Do your friends at Guse Hardware know that you’re betraying them like this, Here To Eternity? BE ASHAMED!

From Voice of Reason

You got to be kidding me, this whole CLA vs IT crap surfaced again?  Hasn’t this dead horse been beaten enough?  Allow me to end this for both parties:  It’s not how much money you make, how smart you are, or how “better” you are.  If you’re happy what you’re doing (be it flipping burgers or programming code) then nothing else really matters. Net: Except for sex.  Students in CLA are not necessarily ignorant, and perhaps IT students are more intelligent and will eventually have higher paying jobs… but the fact remains that they still lack social skills and are pretty damn ugly.  ITer, I don’t want to hear how better you are, or how smart you are, because your money or intelligence won’t buy you what you clearly lack.  Instead of wasting network’s time, why don’t you stick to your chat’s with L33TGURL on the internet Net: Harsh.

From VoiceOfReason

Heigh, ho. Kermit the Frog here … err, no. I was planning on keeping my head above the fray, but I couldn’t resist. Either that or I was writing this on Friday on a Mac, and hit Ctrl+C to copy, but instead found myself with naught but a little square. But anyway, with the following legal disclaimer, I’ll get on with it:

VoiceOfReason is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Institute of Technology – AND I’M NOT JUST A-KIDDIN’! Rather than fall to the dirty mudslinging politics of ITer, the poor spelling of statMajor, or the sheer stupidity of iq9 (ironic, isn’t it?), I’ll rip CLAer a new one civilly, point by point. First, to say that CLA students have won every major national scholarship implies that there are no major national scholarships which are open to Engineers only, or Business majors only, or whatever those people in the college of Natural Resources are. Second, as statMajor pointed out, the disparity between the undergrad percentage and the degree percentage merits closer examination. Third, and most important, CLA is NOT the reason that we are one of the top three research universities. The reason is MONEY. Research costs MONEY(said with a Vince Vaughn voice, a bit of a ‘fro, and gun in hand). Of course, some research also makes money, but which research makes money is a matter of another discussion Net: Which VOR is authentic, Networkia? Both? Neither? The mystery continuesÖ

From The_Atlantean

Hey Network how’s it going? So I was eating some easy cheese, and I decided to read the directions while I was eating. After I read the directions, I thought are people really this dumb? Directions for using Easy Cheese:

For best results, remove cap, hold applicator tip close to food. Press tip firmly, and move slowly across food surface. Enjoy!

The part that gets me is they tell you for best results REMOVE CAP. I mean who tries and eat easy cheese and leaves the cap on? Are people really that dumb that they have to tell you to remove the cap of something before you try and eat its contents? Net: Yes. MOC: Yup.