Net: Sheesh, people…

Net: Sheesh, people, y’all are furious as a swarm of mad hornets! Never before has such an avalanche of denunciation deluged our mailbag! The following is but a sampling:

From JediKnight: SNAFU: “Situation Normal: All F***ed Up.” Example sentence: “Let’s all give a big thank you to IT for the SNAFU that is the new Web registration system.” Net: Congratulations, our young Padawan … you were the quickest to the draw. And your midi-chlorian count is off the charts … perhaps you need to meet with Citizen

From C-TA: I am a computer science student and know a little bit about programming projects. Net: Good enough; we hereby deem you Resident Expert. Have fun. In any of the computer-related jobs I’ve had, I would have been fired for releasing a program as poorly written as the new registration system. KGirl claims that so much could go wrong and testing would only be possible in a perfect world. That’s a load of bull. Net: So is the notion that the Force is somehow biological, but we’ll go with it. The shutdown of the registration system last Monday could have been prevented if they would have spent 10 minutes simulating a typical day of registration and prepared accordingly.

From old skool: Ahem … SNAFU: An acronym of military genesis. Meaning: “Situation Normal, All F****d Up.” Net: We’ll remind you now that using the same “scurrilous tirade text-blocking” decryption algorithm we used on Peewee‘s outburst yesterday, two possibilities arise for the bowdlerized word in this acronym. For the record, we’ll confirm that the proper usage would cause said word to rhyme with “ducked” rather than “howled.” Onward. Usage example: “The registration system SNAFU leaves me angry, saturnine and filled with fantasies of kicking uppity IT dorks square in their Dockers.” Thank you.

From Queenie: First to KGirl: It is my fate to be working in the phone bank at the Office of the Registrar in Fraser Hall. Lucky me, right? Net: It’d be better to be an ambassador to China right now … sheesh. For the last week and a half, we have been fielding questions and problems from all the angry University students. I am a student, too, and I am just as frustrated as everyone else, BUT — people need to realize that the registration system was not Y2K compliant. Think about it this way: If we did not change the system, come January, we all probably would have been erased from the entire system, and then where would we be? Net: They would have to give you all degrees. It’s like if your dorm roommate dies …

From Turkey Fiddle: I am being @$$-raped by the last-name registration queue bit. Net: Sorry ’bout that, Mr. Zzyxwuv. Way it goes. Not only are my two most important classes now filled, but I can’t even get on the damned WAITING list until my queue date rolls around in June. Lick me where I pee, CSci!!!

From Canadian FBI: The registration gave me “404 page not found” errors whenever I tried to increase my credit load to anything over a rigorous seven credits. As we all know, life without calculus and physics (the classes it would not allow me to take) is a life not worth living. Net: Didn’t you hear? It has a “capacity for difficult material” filter. Try a GC class. I’m sure it’s just looking out for my well-being and stress level, but still, if I wasn’t on this “Star Wars”-induced high right now, Net: We see through you. How do you feel? I might have to start taking a hammer to some of these damn computers.

From DevilDoc: SNAFU can be used interchangeably as a noun or a verb, i.e.: There was a SNAFU with the IT geeks’ Web server, resulting in chaotic registration … or: Computer problems in the IT shop SNAFUed the Web server. Net: Dude! You’re verbing! SNAFU is only a mild descriptive, though. For really big problems, one must move up to TARFU or FUBAR: Things Are REALLY F##$*ed Up, or F&%##ed Up Beyond All Repair (as in that little mishap with the Chinese embassy). So, happy SNAFUing to all you Netheads! Net: So far it’s been a blast. Keep going!

From Beggin’ Lee: Here are the four steps I followed to happy enrollment:
1. Move overseas so you have zero contact with the University except through e-mail. Net: It’d be less troublesome than walking to Fraser, judging by this crowd.
2. Know nothing about semester conversion. Net: Can we do this first? It’s the easiest part.
3. Know nothing about what classes you are required to take — being overseas will put you out of contact with your adviser.
4. Attempt to register, and watch it work like a charm when all you were hoping to accomplish was finding the University’s Web page.
Again my naivetÇ has pulled through for me. I know nothing. I’m confused. I’m in the dark. But I’m registered. Net: Certified, maybe. Read on …

From Kung Fu Joe: If you try to change a class time, the old one stays on your schedule marked as “drop.” Net: Ha-Ha! A W on your record! That’ll teach you to vacillate. At this point we have entered TARFU: Things Are Really F****d Up. The best part is if you try to get into a class that is not allowed, the computer just gives you an error message that does not explain if you are ineligible, the class is full, or if you have a scheduling conflict. I deem the new registration system to be FUBAR.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:
DRUNKEN BRIDESMAID

From Cuff Me, I’m Drunk: Hey Network! Net: Hey yourself! You’re the only non-SNAFU letter today … Congrats! We suck! Michigan State always beats us in basketball. They always beat us in hockey. They always (except for some gift from God last year) beat us in football. And now they beat us in alcohol-related arrests?! What are we doing?? I have been arrested three times; can’t everyone else help and join me in the back of the cruiser? We all need to work together next year and bring home the trophy! Net: We’ll call it the Big Brown Bottle. Act drunk if you need to — just find a way to get arrested. This is one championship we can win! (And you don’t need to do homework to play this game).