DEMDOGDAYS
Net: July is upon us, and whether you’re feeling the heat of summer passion or the cold of summer session mid-terms, take this to heart — at Network, we care. We’re your summer love in the spring, fall and winter, and we can make happy anyone alive. So don’t worry, be happy. Relax. All is well in the world. Another month has arrived — and you have lived to tell of it. Now, on to the mail.
From Supersonic: I am writing this in response to last week’s letter to the editor about Christians facing no persecution at the U. I am guessing this will spark up some controversy. Net: Good. The first flames of the long, hot summer. We haven’t been this stoked since the Rodney King verdict.
This guy is claiming that white, Christian, straight, upper-class males are oppressing the minorities at this great institution. Net: THIS institution!?!?! How about every institution? And where do you get off calling us “great”? We have a reputation to uphold here.
He also claims there is no such thing as reverse sexism, reverse racism and Christian persecution. But let’s take the example of some of the groups we all involuntarily pay for with our student services fees: Net: Warning to readers: All people with political views to the left of Hitler can skip this part. the Africana Student Cultural Center, the American Indian Student Cultural Center, the Asian-American Student Cultural Center, La Raza Student Cultural Center, the Queer Student Cultural Center and University-YW.
I do not understand why I have to pay money I earned so that these “minorities” can have their own little clubs. If they want them, they should pay for them with their own money.
Net: And if you want to go to college, the state of Minnesota shouldn’t have to pay for YOU. Beware — selective libertarianism breeds hypocrisy.
It seems that about the only group of people without a student-funded group is the aforementioned oppressors. I find it hard to believe this is not reverse sexism and reverse racism.
For those who plan on writing back to attack me, here are my stats: I am a 19-year-old, Caucasian, male, straight IT student. Believe it or not, I have no prejudices except for Alabaman inbreeds. Go nuts!
LOOK, BUT DON’T TOUCH
From Winston: What was the administration thinking when it decided to have a couple dozen cute, 15-year-old girls running around Middlebrook Hall this summer? Net: They were thinking those girls would be impressed by the chivalrous exhibition of Gopher manhood they would receive — courtesy in the tradition of such luminaries as Mitch Lee and Courtney James.
Did they think that encouraging pedophilia was a form of community service?
I’m aware of at least three guys who’ve expressed lustful interest toward those sweet little things. Net: And we know at least three guys who have expressed lustful interest in animals. What are we supposed to do, ban squirrels?
Oh well. At least social prudence and the desire for college-age poon-tang during the school year keeps the public displays of affection to a minimum.
Net: That’s right. No hitting on 15-year-olds in public. Lure them to the party, as all upstanding brothers do! And on that note, we gotta go. Our latest love interest is getting her braces off today, and we want to be there to see her new smile. Sorry folks — gotta have priorities. Hasta luego, and as the great Che says, “Hasta la victoria siempre.”
