Network: edgeofsanity; Sir Drives A Lot; Dr. Nick

>From edgeofsanity

Ahoy Net! I have reached the end of my will power (and psych meds). I ask for the greater University community for assistance. Net: It’s not really legal for the rest of us to prescribe you more psych meds (with the exception of Dr. Date, of course). Could someone please explain the reason that people use backpacks on wheels. I must admit I have a irresistable urge to run behind these people and kick their portable nerd advertisements. How could they possibly be useful/practical/excellent way “to get the cool kids to notice me”? Net: Look into your heart, edgeofsanity – do you really think wheeled-backpack users are capable of that degree of sensitivity to the feelings of others? They usually seem as if they’re in their own little world, closed off from the rest of humanity. Could someone satiate my curiousity about these intersting anthropological subjects before I go on a backpack-charging orgy? Net: OK, because you asked, we’ll tell you: They’re all terrorists, and the backpacks are laden with anthrax.

From Sir Drives A Lot

Rotten day Net! Why you ask? Another parking lot is being destroyed. Net: How do you “destroy” something that basically consists of nothing except a flat surface? Are they turning it into some kind of black hole? I know all these freshman on campus think a football stadium is all great, but it isn’t. I mean great, lets build a expensive stadium on the only real cheap parking complex left, HBBL (Huron Blvd Backwater Lots). Therefore, no one will drive to campus, and all the students will have to get on the stupid slow metro transit buses. BUSES SUCK! Where is everyone going to park for the games and their classes. Parking is crappy enough already. The students will have to foot the bill for the stadium anyways. Isn’t the Student Service Fee high enough along with the universal “University Fee”. Nuttin waste of money. I wish I could just pay for the mndaily part, it is the only one I use anyways. Go Net! Net: Flattery will get you everywhere. Resist the regents, they want to control your life, wait they already do. Net: You seem confused. Remember that you are here to serve the regents and their puppetmasters in the Republicannibal-controlled Legislature. Your only value as a student is determined by your potential lifetime earnings and by the likelihood of your moving to the ‘burbs, reproducing yourself and bringing your progeny to church three times a week where they will learn to hate evolution and free thought.

From Dr. Nick

Hi Everybody! Net: Hi Dr. Nick! I am very disappointed in this so called “doctor” who dares to share the same page as you. Dr. Date’s responses are so boring. If I wanted to hear the real answers to those questions I would have scheduled my classes around Oprah and Dr. Phil. I think you should take command of Dr. Date’s space and give some real answers. I’ll give an example of what it should be like, instead of just complaining. This one is taken from 10/13: My girlfriend of over 3 years just left me because she says she’s discovered that she’s a lesbian. I’m hurt and lost. What do I do now? –Now, “Dr.” Date wrote some crap about acceptance and love, but what I was expecting to hear was more along the lines of: “Whoa. Dude. Score. This is a guaranteed three-way, you don’t even have to worry about your ex being nervous about messing around with a girl. Cause it has obviously already happened. About what to do, I recommend you start acting more like a man, because she obviously found someone more manly… in a woman.” See it’s easy and I am not even pre-med. Net: Proto-fascist maybe, but no, not pre-med.