Gore chooses fellow muppet as running mate!

Justin Jürpantz

Current Democratic presidential candidate Vice President Al Gore stunned the political world when he announced fellow Muppet-American Kermit the Frog would be his running mate in the 2000 presidential election.
The decision was announced early this morning at a press conference in a McDonald’s restaurant while the vice president was in line for hash browns. While reporters watched him order a number two, Gore told them of his recent decision and then got his change.
The hash browns were not available for comment.
A first-time presidential candidate, Frog, whom has long been affiliated with the Green Party and well-known for his stance on environmental and fair labor issues, said the switch to the Democratic Party wasn’t difficult for him.
“It’s not easy being Green,” shrugged Frog.
Speculation that Gore might choose former New Jersey Sen. Bill Bradley as his running mate was evidently nothing more than speculation. This is thought to be due to Gore choosing someone else.
“I guess I’m the one to blame,” stated Bradley at a recent press conference attended exclusively by the Daily World News and Bradley’s mother. “I’m the guy that started that rumor, anyway.”
Bradley went on to admit he also started the rumor that Norm MacDonald had been cast as Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode II and Bruce Wayne is Batman.
“The least he could have done was start a plausible rumor,” observed former coloring major Matt “Fatty” Arbuckle, as he stole Bradley’s microphone stand to pay off his mounting cat-juggling debts. The press conference was cut short when the entire Daily World News staff started walking to Stub and Herb’s, arguing about the true meaning of the word “voluptuous” along the way.
The Daily World News was not available for comment.
Foregoing Gore’s past efforts to draw attention to environmental concerns and the streamlining of the federal government, the Gore-Frog ticket will be running on the Wyld Stalyns platform. Wyld Stalyns, the popular rock band, has already enthralled all people of all generations; this is clearly evident from the musical prowess of their records and the mind-numbing originality of their live shows.
“We’re totally stoked to be working with Gore,” said Wyld Stalyns lead guitarist “Bill” S. Preston Esq. “Him and that frog dude are royally excellent dudes (air guitar)!”
“Definitely most triumphant (air guitar),” added other lead guitarist “Ted” Theodore Logan.
The Good Robot Us’s were not available for comment.
But working with Wyld Stalyns is exactly one of the reasons political experts are calling this one big, stupid move for Gore. Every single world political leader has been a Wyld Stalyns fan since their debut in 1989; Gore’s stance on Wyld Stalyns would not give him any edge whatsoever over his opponents.
“To think that they have an upper hand as Wyld Stalyns fans is ridiculous,” said political analyst Toby Tyler. “Everyone likes Wyld Stalyns! That means George W. Bush does, too. What does Gore hope to accomplish? I just don’t get it! I mean, seriously! Just what? What? I ask you, seriously, I do. Seriously!”
“If anyone should run for president, it’s Wyld Stalyns,” said Hollywood actor and Tennessee Sen. Fred Dalton Thompson while in his trailer on the set of his latest film as he studied up on his filibusters.
Today only 3 percent of those running for political office (Strom Thurmond) do not support Wyld Stalyns.
Gore has also come under fire for choosing a fellow Muppet-American as his running mate.
“That’s just dumb to do,” said a close-minded Ethan Edwards. “Now he’s bringing race into it. That’s never been a political issue and I don’t see why it should be now.”
Whether or not Gore has crippled himself with an all-muppet ticket remains to be seen. Presidential election history has shown that non-muppet voters prefer a mixed ballot. The disastrous campaign of the Bear-Pig ticket in ’96 crashed like two old ladies with shopping carts and burned in flames like a scorned poet when it failed to carry a single contingency, despite having a female vice presidential candidate.
Fozzie the Bear and Miss Piggy were unavailable for comment.
Gore and Frog remain hopeful, however.
“I guess I’m really excited,” smiled Frog. “Mmmmm …”
Frog went on to sing “Movin’ Right Along.”
“This is a decision that I made all by myself without any help from teacher,” said Gore. “I think this is a good example of the kind of decision I will make as president. Vote for me.”
Gore went on to sing “New Age Girl.”
On the other side of the argument, an all-muppet ticket may be just the kind of boost that Muppet-Americans need to finally make their presence known in the political world.
Besides the aforementioned failed Bear-Pig presidential campaign, the only other Muppet-American that attempted to, and gained, political office is current St. Paul mayor Norm Coleman. Gonzo the Great has run for governor one time. However, it should be noted that no one recognized him as a true candidate because of his status as an illegal alien.
No one was available for comment.

Justin JÅrpantz welcomes comments just where his name indicates.