Pamela Anderson teaches

by Yasmin Bleeth

The University’s Department of Women’s Studies has tapped some Hollywood talent to beef up their enrollment numbers next quarter.
Among the new faculty hired last week, officials from the department welcomed “Baywatch” megastar Pamela Anderson to the ranks of visiting professor for spring quarter.
Anderson plans to teach two classes: “The Power of Aesthetics” and “Feminism at the Beach,” both of which closed soon after the instructor was announced.
A small riot ensued at the Lind Hall computer lab Thursday when only one-fourth of the Gopher football team was able to register for Anderson’s classes.
The skirmish was quickly resolved when the lab attendant told the scrappers to “mind the equipment.”
“When I realized who the instructor was for the classes, my whole perception of the women’s studies department changed,” said junior Mike Villar, a major in mortuary science. “I felt like they finally made it easy for us guys to understand feminism. It was phatty.”
With the media attention the department will get because of Anderson’s presence, it now might be able to afford new facilities and equipment, said Frieda Frisch, a professor in the department.
“I haven’t really decided what the classes are going to be about yet. I heard from some dude that you should teach what you know, so that’s what I’m gonna do,” commented Anderson at a press conference held yesterday.
What she knows runs the gamut of the “feminist experience,” Anderson says. Among her experiences, she has shined (probably due to all the suntan oil, she admits humbly) in a globally popular television series, modeled for a world-renowned men’s magazine, and married famous rocker Tommy Lee.
These experiences have taught her “the true meaning of feminism: to use your strong womanly image to gain strong results in society.”
Though Anderson has not yet graduated from college, “her fun personality and quirky humor are more important than those dumb pieces of paper,” said the secretary who processed Anderson’s W2 forms. “And besides, who better to teach those kids than famous people?”
Anderson is campaigning for funds for a new campus debate group, titled “Blonde vs. Brunette: Are They Really That Different?”
The group would meet once a week to debate and discuss the issue. Anderson is considering asking Madonna to be the group’s first keynote speaker.