As crimson sun did melt o’er June’s last day, And cloven skies unleash’ed terror’s reign,A child he so did click and clack away,King T’s betoken death would learn it’s name!While faceless was the child, and fanfare none,A number prime; a dagger in the din,Was made — and armageddon’s battles won,Found here said cipher:Vict’ry dwells therein!We have foreseen it.Onward — to the letters.
From Mr. Hyde: Reading this fine interlude of sanity Net: And prescience! in an otherwise insane, deranged, violent, conspiring … world, I realized that I have not written for quite awhile, and Network has been getting better in my absence. Net: (blushing) Garsh!Having unfortunately acquired more work time this evening, I currently have nothing to do, so I thought I’d waste my time in a productive manner: by complaining about the University.
First, a given: Parking and Transportation Services! I’m curious about their weekend parking policy. On rare occasions, I am forced to work on Saturdays and sigh … even Sundays. Net: We feel for you, brother. Instead of sleeping until noon, I haul my ass to this great institution of lower learning early in the cold cold day, and what do I behold (a hush falls over the audience)? The closest parking lots to my place of money-earning are closed! A square of concrete is sealed with a chain.
Will the Y2K (had to put that in there somewhere) bring us the anarchy we deserve? Will those leading the University be first against the wall when the Revolution comes?
Just curious! Thanks, Network, for your time and service through these difficult (college) years (all seven of them)! And, yes, the Commodore 64 shall rule in the end!!! Net: So many questions yet unanswered, Networkians — but soon … soon!
From The Virgin: Avast, ye scurvy Network! Net: AARGH! Prepare to be boarded! And take some Vitamin C, for the love of GOD. I hail your efforts in diverting my attention from paid classes to personal amusement. Yes, it’s my money, but dammit, it is my time too, and that is too great a price to pay for some useful knowledge. Net: More precious grows thine time; thy money less! You are truly wise, Virgin.
Anywho, my conundrum is this: What’s with the people on buses who stand and turn in the aisles with little regard for everyone who is sitting? They wield mighty, stuffed backpacks and rain unchecked fury upon the heads of those fortunate enough to have found a seat. Net: Do said scofflaws don electric blue Columbias? Lousy turncoats … Are They not the “peasants” of Busdom? Should They not respect and give penance to the Seated Nobles? Is it too much to ask that They stand still and leave my poor cranium be? Damn them. Oh well, in a couple more months, assuming your predictions ring true, They’ll get their just desserts. Net: And consequently, lose their capital Ts.
From Dionysus: Talula, I commend you for your “straight-edge,” vegetarian stance. However, if there is one thing that I am so sick and tired of (besides the recent banter about Satan and Canadians), Net: We concur it’s the self-righteous attitude of people who refuse to indulge in a little revelry, which is part of, well, LIVING! You say that you and your booze-free followers will live longer than the rest of us drinkers, and that you will have the “last laugh.” Didn’t you know that a glass of red wine now and then is actually good for your heart? Net: And eyes. And memory. And blood. And taste buds. And Surdyk’s. And who knows? You might live longer than your horrible, brutish, alcoholic friends — then again, you might not. Just look at the story of Jim Fixx, the professional runner who led a healthy lifestyle, even produced instructional films on running, and what happened to him? He collapsed of a heart attack while Net: What?! Running? — yep, you guessed it — running! Net: We’re good. So keep this in mind the next time you feel that smug resentment toward your intoxicated friends: If their “drinking themselves into a stupor” bothers you that much, don’t judge them — just leave! Find some new friends and hang out at the Wedge and discuss how much better you are than us drunken, carnivorous slobs and how great tofu tastes with Tabasco sauce. Net: Mmm, tofu with Tabas– HEY!