A PARKING PSA
From Tanya Barham: HI. Net: HI TANYA. IS THERE ANY REASON YOU SAID “HI” IN ALL CAPS? I have decided to personally take up the sword against Grandma’s (the bar on the West Bank) extortionary parking policy. Net: Good thing you clarified the location. ‘Cause our grandma runs a parking lot too, ya know, and …
One night, after having heard about 2-for-1 beer specials at Grandma’s bar on the West Bank, my friends and I headed out in search of cheap alcoholic refreshment. After some aggro guy in a sport utility vehicle Net: OOOOHHH ousted us from our metered spot (he really had to get into Grandma’s quickly!), we decided to try the parking lot right next to Grandma’s. We noticed that some of the spots were numbered but that a few, which were NOT numbered, had signs posted which read “Grandma’s not responsible for damage done to vehicles”. We assumed that: 1) Because there was a huge neon Grandma’s sign at the corner of the parking lot, and 2) That the plaque over the parking space implicated Grandma’s had something to do with it, that we could safely occupy this spot while drinking at Grandma’s. It was cold, and we had already dropped off some friends, so we dashed inside.
It is no surprise that Grandma’s has to try and entice students with its cheap beers. The DJ plays only sugary R&B and soft jazz from the 1980’s to an empty dance floor at a volume that, in comparison, puts First Avenue at music box dancer level. Net: And your problem is … Perhaps this is to alleviate typical Grandma’s patrons of the pressure to converse, which in their cases could be a godsend on a first date.
It didn’t take long for it to dawn on us that Grandma’s is just some cheesy, overpriced bar with bad music and frightening decor. Net: Give it 20 years for the ’90s retro revival to kick in, and it will be tres chic. We decided to leave, but imagine our surprise when our car was missing!
Maybe in a future rant I could expound on what a joy it is for five people to walk home on a cold Minnesota night … Net: Wow. It sounds like your opinion of the establishment might be jaundiced by a bit of a negative experience. Hang in there. And if you ever need a drink …
A PET PEEVE
From Matt Ditter: Hi Network. Net: Hi. Thanks for using lowercase letters. I just hate it when people ask what kind of grade I got in a certain class.
Right away I am put in a dilemma. Either I tell them the ugly truth, or I break one of the Ten Commandments. Net: And now you have a better understanding of just what Bill Clinton was going through. Either way, I am unhappy telling them.
There are classes here that are supposed to be guaranteed A’s, but I always end up getting that third letter of the alphabet while everyone else seems to get that “A.” Net: They just don’t understand your genius, Matt.
Someone told me about how he did one quarter and he stated, “That quarter was not too bad. I ended up with three A’s and a B.” He said it with a lot of resentment in his voice, too! Net: The spoiled child of grade inflation. My gosh, are all students like that? Is getting a “B” horrible? Net: Yes. Good grades have become meaningless as competitive pressures and an overly permissive society have pushed grade levels upward for a generation! By lowering curves and having nearly “average” performance academically, you are the TRUE GUARDIAN of TRADITIONAL ACADEMIC INTEGRITY. CONGRATULATIONS, Matt — you are among the TRUE “HONOR” students at this University!!!!! Another student said he did bad on a final and he still got an “A” in the class.
But I have a solution for these blues. I should dedicate more time to studying by using the basic formula, two hours for every class hour. Then, if someone asks me how I did, I’ll just tell them the truth. The Lord above will be pleased in the end. Net: But will the squirrels below? And last but not least, I will fight for a zero-grade policy in the MSA Forum. Net: Good for you, Matt. However, now that everyone knows you’re a politician, all your credibility is shot. Honor withdrawn. School should be about learning, and taking away grading will take off unnecessary pressure.
Students out there, just relax. Don’t worry about grades. Just LEARN the material. And please don’t ask anyone else what kind of grade they received in a class. That’s why we have passwords to look up our grades. Even our parents may never know. Net: True. But the Masons will. They know everything. It is none of your business.
KILL THE WASPS!!!
From Buzz: I don’t know if this is printable, but I just thought I would complain about the fact that I had to risk my dear, sweet life today to learn the precious French language.
You see, we were in Nicholson Hall, which usually isn’t that bad of a building, when it was discovered there were all these wasps already occupying the space of 209A. Net: 209A? Try all the important leadership positions in academe!
What’s the dilly with that?
Jeez! They flew around until a few of their brethren were killed via a well-placed shoe, but class just went on, like there wasn’t an evil insect with a painful stinger ready to strike. I know it’s too cold for the wasps to stay outside, but do they have to congregate in MY class? (Oddly enough, we were discussing French immigration policy.)
Where is Facilities Management with some mildly toxic spray when you need them?
I mean, come on, EXTERMINATE THE WASPS! Net: Our sentiments exactly. Good luck in your crusade, Hasta la victoria siempre, and we’ll be right back atcha!