Dear Dr. Date,
My roommate and I had a disagreement about how to go into a relationship. I said when I date a woman, I go into it expecting a bit of action on the first date, and from there the emotional attachment will follow. I have messed around with most of my female friends, and most of them prior to being my friends were considered action.
My roommate said he does not try for action on the first date because he wants to get to know the woman better. Now here’s the dilemma. I never have any problem getting the emotional attachment and I get plenty of action. My roommate, on the other hand, does not get too much action and is not emotionally attached to anybody.
The question is, is it better to get some and hope for a relationship afterward, which for me has always come, or not go for action and at least gain a friendship? My roommate and I have $5 on this; tell us who is better off.
— Roommates in Conflict
So let’s make sure I understand this. You get a lot of what you call action while at the same time developing rewarding emotional relationships with these same women. Your roommate gets neither. Which is better? Obviously, you.
But wait! We’ve only heard your side of the story. It’s easy to assume that you might paint a picture that makes you look great.
There is nothing terribly wrong with physical interaction that has no other point than physical interaction. As long as both people know what’s going on and consent, then go ahead and have a ball. My fear is that you might intentionally misrepresent yourself as a caring, emotionally interested man for the sole purpose of getting a woman into your bed. There are plenty of men like this out there, so don’t be offended. Here are a few questions that will help you determine if you are a cad or not.
Have you ever pretended to be interested in a woman’s life or personality in order to facilitate intimate sexual relations with her?
If, on a first date, a woman said she would like to wait a couple of dates before becoming physically intimate, would you wait, or move on to someone else with a different attitude?
Have you ever promised to call a woman you’ve fooled around with and then broken that promise?
Think carefully about these questions. I’ve found that most people have a selective memory about bad things they’ve done in the past. Just because you haven’t done something bad for the last few months doesn’t mean you’ve never done something bad.
As long as your record is clean and can be verified by the women you’ve fooled around with, then you get the $5.