Dr. Date,
I drunkenly hooked up with one of my good friend’s exes. My friend has dated two other people since the breakup, but she has said in the past she never really gets over anyone. I haven’t told her about the spontaneous sex yet, and I don’t know if I should.
And here’s another layer to this problem: I’m moving in with this friend at the end of the semester. Once we’re roommates, I feel like it will be impossible to keep the secret in. But once I spill, our friendship will never be the same. What do I do?
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Wait for things to simmer.
If it’s been a couple of months since their breakup, then you might be in the clear. People usually move on when they start seeing other people, and she’s dated two others since her ex. She’s clearly moved on.
When she says “she doesn’t move on,” it really means she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, just memories that make her upset when she thinks about him.
You haven’t done anything wrong, and you can’t control her thinking about the past.
Here’s what you do: Wait until you move in with her and you are comfortable living with one another, then bring it up.
Don’t force it. But it’s better to be honest than to have her find out from someone else. Explain that you don’t have feelings for him, and you don’t want to affect your relationship.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
I’m graduating, but my girlfriend has another year left of college. I’ve been offered a mediocre job in New Mexico that starts in June, and I don’t know if I should accept it. My relationship with my girlfriend has been rocky the last few months, simply because we’ve realized that the end could be near, and I know long distance wouldn’t work. What should I do?
—Growing Up Too Fast
Dear Older Man,
I sense the end is near.
You’re finishing this season of your life and growing up. It might be better to have a fresh start.
You need to ask yourself some questions:
Are you looking forward to moving to New Mexico?
Do you see yourself with your girlfriend in the long term?
Are there other job offers coming your way?
If you answer yes, no and no, then go. Take on the new adventure.
If you answer no, yes and yes, then stay. Don’t make any decisions that you aren’t convinced will be best for you.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
My friend came out as gay a few months ago, and he’s been really happy ever since. But he’s hooking up with guys left and right, and to be honest, I’m really worried about his sexual health. I know he doesn’t always use protection and the guys he meets aren’t very trustworthy. How can I let him know that this is not OK and he needs to treat his body better?
—STD(on’t)
Dear Protective Friend,
Sexual discovery is very natural. He hasn’t ever had the chance to be with guys so openly before, and he’s taking advantage of it.
It’s right for you to be concerned. Honestly, he might need a little sex ed.
Sit down with him, and explain how sleeping around can have long-term consequences if he isn’t careful.
Beware, he might be defensive. All you want is for him to be safe and healthy; make that the root of your conversation and concerns.
—Dr. Date
