Dear Dr. Date,
I check out your article every day. I am a fairly outgoing guy, so when I see a question concerning a guy not being able to talk to a girl, I always skip it. I always thought it would be easy to hit on a girl I actually liked. I always flirt with girls, but we both know it’s just in play. Now there’s this girl I met, and I really like her. Problem is I can’t talk to her like I thought I’d be able to. What do you suggest?
— Seekin’ Advice I Thought I Knew
It’s interesting that every time I print a letter of this sort, I get an marginally angry letter from a reader who, like you, thinks they know exactly what to do. It’s easy to sit back and play armchair romantic, but when you’re out there on the field, life is definitely different.
The problem, my friend, is that this woman signifies more than usual. Flirting with inconsequential romantic partners is simple, because you don’t really care what they think of you. Flirting isn’t that far away from having a pickup routine. If you’ve found yourself using the same pickup/flirting routine on different girls, then you are getting bored. When you meet someone that knocks you off your routine, you suddenly have no clue how to deal with her. You want to treat her differently. This could be the one! Everything you say carries with it profound consequences. You don’t want to say the wrong thing and scare her away, but you don’t want to be boring, either.
There’s something great about this woman, that’s for sure. Do you notice how you tend to treat your boss differently than you do your coworkers? This is because the boss represents employment, raises and career advancement, while your coworkers are just like you. There is something that this woman can give you that no one else can. Any girl can smile at you, but a smile on the face of this woman is ambrosia. She can fill the void. She can make you complete. She can make you a man. It’s hard to know what’s going on inside your body and mind, so you are going to have to delve inside yourself and figure it out. Or … not. The crux of my advice is this: You are thinking about it too much.
Don’t fret too much and, for certain, don’t shrink away from this challenge. Life is forcing you to learn something new. You can’t go through life thinking you know all the answers about everything, most of all dealing with the opposite sex. Face the magic, friend, you don’t know how to talk to this woman. Start over. Listen carefully and respond honestly. It’s that simple.
(Dr. Date’s March Mixer is coming! There’s only one this year, so let’s make it a doozy! Friday, March 3 at the Weisman.)