Twins forfeit remainder!!!!

(API) — As was expected, Twins manager Tom Kelley made the call Saturday morning to the Major League Baseball front office to cancel the Twins’ remaining games on the 2000 schedule.
The decision was made in conjunction with the Twins’ front office staff and a furry rodent believed to be the gopher from the movie “Caddyshack.”
“We just reached a point where it wasn’t worth it. The talent wasn’t developing. I mean, how long can Latroy Hawkins pitch in the majors and not get any better? There comes a point where you realize you just gotta pack it in and hope for a new stadium, city, or life,” TK has probably never said.
Reaction around the league was swift and decisive.
“Thank god,”a thankful Mark McGuire said. “I mean, I’m all for playing it out, but what was the point? The bottom line is that teams who were going to play the Twins now get free wins and they get a few days to go to the driving range.”
While Twins General Manager Terry Ryan said he was disappointed with the team, he said there was very little for the team to do but pack in their bags and hope the rest of the league’s players die in some sort of tragic bus accident. Or something.
“It sounds kind of morbid, but we really think we have a strong chance at winning the league if the Yankees are overcome with typhoid, or something like that,”Ryan said.
Ryan went on to mention that the Twins are hoping the league will grant the team every draft pick in the 2000 draft in an effort to improve the team quickly. While baseball commissioner Bud Selig didn’t want to commit to such a plan, he did admit that the Twins needed talent.
“Maybe we’ll force Derek Jeter to play for them, nobody likes him much anyway,”Selig said.