Net: A few observat…

Net: A few observations before we get to today’s theme, which is:
In the past few weeks, many of you have not been giving us names for identifying yourselves. Do you want them? There was a time in the history of Network (believe it or not) when people used their real names for their letters. If you wish, that time could come again.
We’d at least like to make it optional. We’ll leave the pseudonyms as the status quo, and give names to people who don’t specify their wishes. But if (for God knows what reason) you want to use your real name in Network, let us know. Who wants to be the first?
Also, if you see someone else using a pseudonym in Network, please don’t use it yourself. It’s confusing to us, and to readers who start to associate certain viewpoints with certain names. Thank you — and have a nice day.

And now, on to the mail:

From Vader: OK, The Girl Under the Covers has a good point. Network has been full of useless political prattle lately. Net: That’s right — views and stuff. Plagues on all their houses (or maybe a smart bomb or two). I thought you guys were doing a study in sleep aids or something. Ah, and finally someone writes in to help out all us woeful guys with dating (and related activities) on our minds.
Now to the point. Net: Which, dear readers, you will soon see seems to be sexual harassment. Girl Under the Covers, you are obviously a strong opinionated woman who knows what she likes. And oh, how I love that in a woman. You see, I’m just your average nice guy, and I want to take you out on a date. Don’t worry, I’M NOT AN ASS! I’m just a normal, good-looking guy. Net: Some women would call that an oxymoron. And hey, I’m pretty good at reading signs (not to mention buying flowers). I’ll make you believe you are the goddess you are. So, Girl Under the Covers, if you’re interested, maybe the mighty Network would be so kind as to help us hook up. Net: You might want to take that one to Dr. Date. Hell, it’s worth a shot. What do ya say — ya wanna go out?

From MG: Why does everybody care about Iraq when there are bigger problems closer to home? Net: No Yudof weight jokes, please. Namely those damn frats. Net: Uh-oh — here we go again. Quick, we need a new new topic (Or, I guess, fraternities — you wouldn’t call your country a — umm, nevermind). And what’s the deal?
I see some article in the Daily about not enough boys joining frats, and then it seems like there’s a new one around. All I see are a bunch of guys wearing AF hats around (is it Alpha Phi? I know a mechanical engineering major who thinks phi starts with F). Net: No. Only fee, fo and fum start with f’s. I don’t think there’s a problem recruiting for the frats. I just think that we’re in a recession Net: Pssst … you might want to read a newspaper or something. We haven’t been in a recession since 1992 and not as many people can afford to buy their friends as they used to. Either that, or the livers of the incoming freshmen just aren’t up to par with the livers of all those greek CEOs.
Maybe you guys should think about a high school outreach program where you can prepare young, high school males for greek life by forcing them to drink until their liver is harder than my abs (they’re a rock, trust me). But enough complaining. I was actually going to be in a frat, but then I found I was a decent human being and found my own friends (I didn’t have to pay them, either!!!). Net: Going way back to a letter we received once from Sigma Alpha Epsilon (we think), we pledged that our criteria with fraternity letters was 1) fair ridicule and 2) humor. This letter was a tough call. After all, fair ridicule and humor still might be tired ridicule and humor. But, you are the voice of the people — we’re just hoping this debate gets stuffed before it starts (again).

From Bony Billy: I wish people would stop misusing the term fascism. There seems to be a misconception that fascism is this horrible, oppressive system of government, when it is really quite possibly the best sort of ruling system that we, as humans, have come up with. Net: This will be interesting.
Now, I know when someone brings up fascism people immediately think of the Nazi regime. This is a mistake. The Nazi party was a racist and horribly oppressive dictatorship under the guise of a social democratic workers’ party. They were not fascist, although they did emulate some of the ideals that fascism is known for, i.e. constant preparedness for war Net: This is “the best sort of ruling system?” and civil obedience (something lacking in this nation). Net: Why can’t they just shut up and serve the patriarchy? Fascism does not hide the fact that it is a dictatorship — it is quite lovely and up front in this way. So what nations have been fascist? Italy (for many, many years before the “unrest” in Germany) Net: Eleven, to be exact and perhaps the greatest fascist state, a model for all nations: Spain. Net: Which exiled its entire artistic community in the name of censorship — what an interesting country.
Oh yes, lest we forget the road this nation was on in the 1950s, when the United States proudly emulated the beginnings of greatness (just look at the back of the mercury dime for the fasces — the international symbol of fascism) only to fall into a pit of social unrest and depravity. Net: Terms often associated with the Civil Rights movement. If one remembers only one thing hopefully it is this — Fascism = no racism, equal rights, no freedom of speech arguments, and an obedient population. And no Aramark or commies. Net: OK — you might have won us over on the food thing. But we’re still pretty skeptical. Any thoughts, readers? Oh, and by the way — happy Presidents Day. Let no one say that only totalitarian regimes evidence leader-worship.